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I let Sean’s message hang while I figure out what I want in return, and instead of responding, I message Gem.
ME: I’m ready to talk.
Chapter 52
ANDIE
“Shhhhhh.”
I bounce, holding Ax’s head to my shoulder. The little daredevil’s arms couldn’t keep up with his legs, and he face-planted the hard floor. Not helping is the fact that he’s completely exhausted from refusing to nap this afternoon.
I spent most of the day in the studio, finishing up two songs, and I played my work-in-progress for Jonesy, which he insists will become the final track on the album.
Nora stopped by to get some footage to share on social media, and over the past couple of weeks, pre-orders have skyrocketed. We’re down to one more scheduled day in the studio, and if I can sort out the kinks in my song, tomorrow will be a wrap. Then, Jonesy will be set to work his magic.
Ax’s body relaxes against me as his cries turn to fuss, and I try to peek at the goose egg on his forehead. His little spill is an unfortunate distraction while we wait for Gem, who should be here any minute. I’m not nervous. I'm just ready to put this behind us and move forward.
After texting her yesterday, she replied immediately, like she’d been waiting with her phone in her hand. I have no doubt these past days have been torture for her, but her patience is only proof of her love and how much she understands me.
My brief but sweet phone conversation with Sean last night reminded me that despite circumstances, we need to hold on tight to the people who show us time and again that we’re valued and loved. Those who show up when everything around us is falling apart, and we end up at the bottom of the pit.
My front door flies open like a gust of hysteria just blew in, and Ax jumps in my arms. Wide-eyed and alarmed, I stare at my grandmother, who is silhouetted by the setting sun and looks like a freaking mess.
Her hair is mildly kept, tied up in a scarf. She has no makeup on, and her signature red lips are pale. There’s no spicy gusto to her sad state, and the woman standing before me is in some kind of matching cotton suit like it was pulled from a closet at a retirement community. Gem is wearing SWEAT–PANTS.
I’m so alarmed at the sight I’ve turned mute. There’s nothing wrong with these matching sets, but my Gem wouldn’t be caught dead in one. My Gem would strut around butt naked before she would don such an appalling use of soft pastel textile.
My mouth overrides my brain. “Are you wearing a…sweatsuit?”
She steps in, shoving the door shut behind her, and then places her hands on her hips. “Sweet cheeks, if I had to wait one more agonizing minute for you to ring me, I’m pretty sure I would have resorted to a muumuu, having given up entirely on ever needing to look respectable again.”
She stares at me, her eyes brimming with tears. “Life without you…” She shakes her head. “Looks a hell of a lot like sweatpants and garbage bags made out of fabric with a slit. Neither is tolerable, and one more hour of this, and I might have lit myself on fire.”
I smile, tipping my head to the side. “Is there really a need for such dramatics?”
She walks straight to me and hugs me like she hasn’t seen me in decades.
“Andie, there has never been a single second since you were put into my arms that you were not my granddaughter. You belong to me. You are a Taninbaugh through and through, and if there was ever a soul on this earth that was made for mine, baby girl, it was yours.”
She pulls away and holds my face as Ax blows spit bubbles of delight. “I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to deal with in your life, for not knowing, not understanding, and I have no doubt you have a million questions, but I hope you’ve never had to wonder how very much I love you.”
I hug her again, tears filling my eyes. “I know.” I choke out through my constricted airway. “I know.”
“I need to know you forgive me. I couldn’t tell you, Andie. Maybe it was wrong.” Her eyes draw shut, and she inhales, taking a moment to collect herself. “I don’t know. All I’ve done for these past days is wonder, but all I come back to is that your parents needed to be the ones to explain, to tell you.”
“Do you know anything about my birth parents?”
It’s a question I’ve pondered the value of over the past few days. I’ve thought a hundred times about Sean’s meeting with his birth mom and how it was just one more rejection he didn’t need. One more heartbreak he could’ve done without, but maybe in it, there was a sort of closure. Or perhaps it was just more pain added to the already overwhelming pile.
Ax leans for her, and I hand him over. We both move onto the couch, and Gem smothers him like she thought she might never see him again.
“I know it was a closed adoption. There was no communication between your parents and your birth mother.”
I nod, letting that information settle in. “So much makes sense now, and then sometimes I feel like nothing makes senseat all. If they wanted a child badly enough to adopt, why couldn’t they just love me?”
Gem takes a steadying breath. I’m not used to seeing her emotionally frazzled.
“I think they think giving you their world is loving you.” She kisses Ax’s head. “Ever since your father was a young man, he could see nothing beyond becoming a leading physician, and he’s helped so many people, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen how he’s neglected you. He’s my son, and that’s not easy to admit. And your mother, well, I don’t know. She and I have never seen eye to eye, but I think it’s possible she could never let go of the idea that you would be what she always imagined you to be…just like her. Someone she could relate to and understand.”
