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First, I’m going to drink some tea and try not to miss Sean.Yeah, not happening.Then, I’ll put some of our stuff away. After that, I might think about who I want to talk to…if anybody.
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“This is incredible.” Nora’s eyes are wide, her mouth gaping open. “Andie, I’m so sorry. I can’t even…this is just… What now? What are you going to do?”
I sit curled up on one end of the couch and Nora on the other, both of us lounging and trying to make sense of it all. Sean moving to another state far away, needing to talk to Gem, and the thought of approaching my parents for information are overwhelming my emotional capacity. I’d really rather shove it all in a box and wrap it up to open at a later date, or maybe never.
“I don’t know.” I steal a little more of the blanket spread across the two of us. “This may sound weird, but I’m not sure I want to do anything. I mean…I have questions about where exactly I came from, but then I think, what good will it do? It won’t change anything. I guess I’ll talk to them when I’m ready. For now, I just need time and a hell of a lot of space.”
Nora nods, her bright pink bun bouncing back and forth. She pushes her glasses up her nose. “What about Gem? Are you going to talk to her?” The question is tentative, fully aware of the excruciating pain I feel that she didn’t tell me.
I’ve thought a lot about what Sean said about it not being Gem’s place to tell me, and even though it totally sucks, he’s right. This was not her story to tell. He’s also right that she’s always been my Gem. She has loved me fully and unconditionally.
“It hurts, but I think I understand her not telling me. She’s giving me time, but I need to talk to her.”
Silence falls around us, along with the night, except for Snipe rolling and snorting on the floor.
“What about Sean?” Another soft-spoken question and one that fills my belly with flutters and has me blinking back tears at the same time.
“He’s…completely unexpected, and I have no idea what to do about it. These past couple of months with him, it’s like I’ve felt myself slowly come back to life. Where the numbness was, there are a whole bunch of new sensations. Excitement and terror. Joy and impatience. I feel so safe and secure when I’m with him, but now he’s gone.”
I leave it there because what else is there to say. I don’t know what happens now other than to wait and see. I have to be patient while he gets settled in Phoenix and with his new team. I just don’t know how this will work, but I really want it to.
I can’t talk about Sean, so I change the subject. “You and I need to get back to work. Jonesy’s set up more studio time, and we need to start promoting.”
Nora’s head falls to the side with annoyance that I’m not giving her more about Sean and me. “How many more songs do you have to record? I thought I’d come into the studio the next time and take some videos to post. People love the teasers, and preorders spike every time we give them a little taste of what’s coming.”
“We have two more, but I have something new I’ve been working on.”
One pierced eyebrow raises. “Is it about him or them?”
I smile, knowing it’s just about me, and she knows it too.
My phone buzzes next to me, and I see a Words notification that a new game has been started. It buzzes again.
SEAN: I win. You come see me. You win. Name your worst.
My heart does a little jig at the thought of seeing him, but I quickly pull the rug out from under it. I love the idea of visiting him, but hauling a baby back and forth halfway across the country seems intimidating. There’s also the little fact ofknowing that once I was there with him, I might not want to come home.
What am I thinking?I need to get my life back in order and finish this album. I need to talk to Sean and figure out if this is going to work with him there and me here.
We’ve only known each other a few months, and half of that time, I wasn’t even sure I liked him. But I like him now. I more than like him, and figuring that out and then telling him goodbye seems all too familiar. I’m just waiting for him to slowly fade into his new life and forget about me. It’s only been a few hours, but so far, he hasn’t, and I’m afraid to let myself believe that what he and I have found in each other is something long-lasting.
I weigh my options, trying to determine if I’m going to counter his wager. Sean has skills at Words, and with what’s at stake, I know he’ll have every intention of winning. I might even want to let him.
Nora clears her throat, eyeing me with a smirk. “You know I’ve never been to Arizona. I wonder if the male population in the desert is more open to love at first date.”
I give her side eye with a large dose of deadpan. “I don’t think that’s legal in any state.”
She throws a pillow at me, and it bounces off and falls to the floor. “Maybe you should wipe that sappy smile off your face and just go get your man. Then I’ll have an excuse to find out for myself.”
“First, he’s not my man. We’re…seeing where this goes.” I say he’s not, but I think I really want him to be mine and that thought has my stomach rolling itself up into a ball.
A gurgling sound comes from her throat. “Oh, please. You can live in whatever village of denial you’d like. That man got under your thick-as-steel skin the second you started your elevator smackdown.”
I think about what Sean told me about how I distracted him, and a warm sensation washes over my body, spiking goosebumps. The thought of him still being afraid of the dark and tight spaces and how sleeping with him made it easier makes me want to go to the airport and get on a plane to show him that he doesn’t have to be afraid ever again.
Ugh. There I go again.I need to get back to making sure I can support Ax, which means getting back to work and real life. My mind wanders to Gem again. A big step towards that is talking to her.
