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I feel the heat of her glare inspecting me, looking for any piece of evidence that I might be trying to pull one over on her.
“Yeah, whose elbow?” Nora chimes in. “Andie’s doing research so she can speak intelligently about the game at the event. We just happen to be watching Sean play at the same time.” The snitch adds that last part with just a hint of flare, knowing Gem will jump all over it. I want to reach into the kitchen and pinch her. Gem doesn’t need any more fuel for her fireball eyes.
“Hmmmm,” she hums, bouncing Ax on her lap. “Well, see, Gerald helped me download this little app that gives me the latest updates on the Tigers. Apparently, Sean overextended his elbow last weekend and has been dealing with some pain. Thought you might know something about that since you two are in…cahoots these days. I’d imagine that discomfort makes things a little less enjoyable in the sack.”
This woman cracks a joke with such cool ease it almost passes for truth.Why didn’t I get that genetic trait?
“Oh, good grief, Grandma. You’ve seriously lost the last two screws still intact up there.” I point to my head. Nora cackles in the kitchen while stirring her brew. “Don’t you have anything better to do than keep tabs on Sean? Unless you have a little crush. Is that it? Should I warn Sean that you’re his newest stalker and he should beware of lurking old ladies outside his windows at night?”
“Sweet cheeks, if I had a crush on that gorgeous man, I wouldn’t need you to pass on that information. What I want to know is, why you aren’t making some truth out of all these lies?”
“Yeah, Andie. Why aren’t you making whoopie with that gorgeous, muscled football star? I bet he smells amazing.” Norastares off into space like she’s imagining how good he smells again.
The innate female part of my brain betrays me and pulls forth the sensory memory of his clean, crisp scent from that meeting room hug. Even with a little sweat mixed in, he does smell pretty damn good, but no way am I letting that accidentally spill from my lips.
I let my head fall to the back of the couch. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Why does there need to be something going on between Sean and me? His life is full. My life is…Axel and music, and that’s enough. He’s good-looking and nice most of the time when he’s not wearing his self-absorbed football persona. But I’m not looking to get attached to him or anyone else who could just decide at any moment that they’re done with me, or worse, have them just disappear.”
Well, bugger. I didn’t mean to say all of that. Besides the sound of the commentators informing us that the second half is starting, there is dead silence all around. Even Snipe got bored and is now asleep at my feet.
I keep my face pointed to the ceiling, not wanting to face these ladies. Eventually, though, I make myself be brave and pull my head forward to see Gem patiently waiting for me. Axel sits in her lap with a teething ring shoved between his gums and drool running down his chin and arm. My beautiful boy. I force myself to meet Gem’s eyes.
“Baby girl, I’m going to tell you something I wouldn’t dare tell another soul.” Her voice is uncharacteristically gentle, and I have to swallow hard to force the burning lump down. “There is a time and a place to be afraid, scared senseless, and then there is a time to let it go. When your granddaddy died, I thought I’d never feel a single thing again, and I haven’t.”
She pauses, pulling Ax to her chest and holding him tighter. “But Andie, it wasn’t that I couldn’t. I just never let myself.I closed myself off to the possibility, and because of that, I’ve spent the last almost thirty years alone.”
She straightens herself, and I see what I believe just might be tears in her old wise eyes. “You listen to me.” She holds my gaze, not wavering. “We are not meant to spend this life alone. We were not created for it. Don’t do what I did and shut out the possibility because you’re afraid. You are stronger and braver than I’ve ever been.”
That golf ball-sized lump returns in my throat, constricting my airway and causing tears to blur my vision. It only worsens when I hear Nora sniffle and then, a second later, blow her nose.
Gem leans down and kisses Ax’s head. “Now, I’m not saying you should give Sean a shot, although I like that young man. He has a soft, quiet confidence that comes from something much deeper than the football field. Andie, he may not even want a shot with you, but when a nice, beautiful man comes your way that drives you absolutely out of your mind, make sure you don’t push him away for the wrong reasons.”
I don’t say anything, but I’ll hold on to everything she just said, and she knows it. She’s loved me better and longer than most, and I know what she’s saying is true. I don’t want to spend my life alone. I don’t want thirty years to go by and wish I’d been brave enough to let someone in, but the thought of losing someone again terrifies me beyond belief.
Trying to blink back tears that are determined to fall, I glance up at the TV and see Sean. He’s sitting on the sidelines, squirting water into his mouth while someone puts a bandage on his knee–that punk looking too good to be true in his pads and jersey.
A smile tugs at my lips. The idea of Sean and me is alarming and ridiculous. We’re like fire and water. Both of us have things to work through and move on from, and for some reason, that’s comforting.
Nora comes to sit on the couch with me, pulling her feet up to her chest, still sniffling. “Gemma, I know that wasn’t for me, but that is the most honest and heart-wrenching thing I have ever heard. You make me want to be a better woman. You need to write a book or something.” She dabs her nose with a Kleenex.
“Oh, good night, hot pants. We need a drink. There is too much estrogen in this house.” Gem stands, bringing Ax to me. “I’ll have Gerald run to the store and get us something to lighten things up. For two exceedingly attractive young women who should be out spinning heads, you sure are depressing.”
We laugh and joke as we eat Nora’s cashew dip with crackers and finish watching the game. After giving Axel a bath, Gem robbed us of everything we had in a game of rummy, and since it was late, Nora passed out in the spare bedroom. I can hear her snoring from my own bed two doors down.
Sitting on my bed, I mess around with my guitar, thoughts of all that Gem admitted running circles in my head. There’s a song in all that vulnerability and truth just waiting to be born.
I’m still trying to process what she said. I’d always thought she’d never met someone who made her feel the way my granddad had. In a million years, I would’ve never thought fear held her back. She’s the strongest, most kick-ass woman I know.
My phone dings next to me, and I pick it up. A Words game request appears from…Sean.
ME: What are we playing for?
SEAN: I need a friend who gives verbal beatdowns like it’s her day job.
ME: Send the request to Gem.
SEAN: She frightens me, and I’m sure she’d kick my ass.
ME: What do I get if I win, loser?
