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Jonesy picks at a fingernail. “Want to know what I think?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Nah. All of what you said might be true, but good friends don’t come along every day, nor do relationships. They can suck and are hard work. That’s why we fight to make the good ones last.” His chair squeaks as he leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. “Think you might be scared there’s possibly a little more going on here than friends, and you’re pushing him away?”
“I’m not pushing him away.”Nuts. I might be. Crap.
His head falls to the side, and his eyes peek out from under his eyelids. “Andie, even a blind person could see what’s happening between the two of you. You guys developed your own team of two. You’re partners, battling the rest of the world. You sure you want to give that up?”
I wipe my clammy palms on my jeans, scared to really sort through this. “I’m not pushing him away. I’m just…being careful.” I pick at the fringe on my jeans. “I was all in from the moment I met Josh. I didn’t take even a second to think about what his life and commitment to the military meant to me. It didn’t matter. I loved him, and his commitment became my commitment.”
I pull a strand loose and wrap it around my finger. “Jonesy, I have no idea what I’m ready for or not ready for. I have no idea what I’m doing, and on top of that, Sean is in a mess. I won’t get in the middle of something again if I don’t know I can sustain it. His life belongs to football. He could be traded any moment,and then he’s gone.” I debate whether to state the last of it, but Jonesy’s empathic eyes pull it out of me. “These guys get hurt all the time.”
He's quiet as he watches me, and I squirm under his close examination.
“Is this about him or you?” He challenges softly. “It sounds to me like he’s going through hell and might need a friend. A real friend. I know Nora and Gemma are putting pressure on you, but you don’t have to be anything else. If you ever want to cross that bridge, it’s up to you when and how far you go. No one gets to decide that but you, and from what I know, Sean’s not pushing for anything more. Give him a chance. You could use another friend. This shit is exhausting.” He grins, and I bite my lip to try to prevent mine. “What’s the worst that can happen? You’re already sleeping with him.”
I toss my pen at him, and he catches it. “Is our therapy session done?”
“Yes. The hourly rate here is too expensive, and we need to finish this song.”
He rolls the chair back toward the soundboard and hits the button. My voice fills the room while I think about what he said.
I might be hiding. I don’t know what I feel for Sean, and I’m not sure I want to find out. Or maybe I’m just really scared I feel more than I might be ready for. But then I think about what Gem told me about not letting fear keep me from the possibility of love, and it makes me want to kick myself.
Sean’s never been anything but honest with me. If I’m going to take a chance, he might be one worth the risk. Especially when I’m not even sure I like his pretty boy football-playing ass.
Chapter 34
SEAN
I stare at my phone like somehow it will make her name appear. This is day four of Andie avoiding me, and I’m over it.
Mark is in my kitchen singingFree Fallingand making a giant mess according to the banging and clanging mixed with his horrible voice.
“Do you have any cornstarch?” he hollers.
“Do I look like Martha Stewart?”
“Quit watching your phone like it might jump up and dance. Get your ass in here and help me cook. It’s my last night, and I’m making dinner. I’m sick of eating that tasteless garbage we’ve eaten the past few nights.”
I toss my phone on the couch and pull my sore body up to help him, even though I don’t want to.
After the game last weekend, I had Monday off, and we spent it binging a series and playing video games while we both avoided talking. I’m trying to deal with my issues, and Mark is clearly dismissing his. I spent the rest of the days at the facility, and tomorrow, Rob is meeting with Tigers to get answers. I want to know what they’re looking to get for me and from whom.
After talking with Shane and Mark, I’ve made sure to steer clear of Doug and let Rob handle this. Approaching him myself won’t do me any favors, and I just need to know where I stand.
I’ve tried to call Andie just like I told her I would, but so far, she’s not answering. If Mark weren’t here, I’d be tempted to just show up at her house and make her talk to me.
I know she doesn’t want to be in the middle of whatever happens with me and the Tigers, but whether she meant to or not, it tells me that she cares, so I’m not giving up. At least not until she tells me she wants me to leave her alone, and I believe her.
I step into the kitchen, immediately wanting to turn around. “What in the hell are you doing in here?” There is shit EVERYWHERE.
Mark looks up from what I assume is a recipe. “I’m cooking, jackass. What does it look like I’m doing?”
“It looks like a toddler went on a rampage and emptied every cabinet, drawer, and the entire flipping pantry.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’ve discovered your kitchen and pantry are seriously lacking. This chicken marsala will likely taste like shit because I’ve had to sub half the ingredients.” He points a spatula at me. “I don’t even care how bad it tastes, I’ve put up with your temperamental ass all week, and you’re eating it.”
