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“I do plan for the future,” I said stubbornly. “I have the bar now.”
“Relationships. Men, Addy. Have you even considered moving on since Martin?”
I shook my head, but he couldn’t see me. I would never be with another man.
“Are you my friend anymore?” I whispered, daring to ask the most important question of all.
“No, Addy.” Barry sounded as defeated as I felt hearing his answer. “We can’t be friends anymore. You were right. Men and women can’t be just friends. It took distance for me to get that perspective about you and me, and now I’ve committed to a relationship.”
“Oh.” That truth was sharper than everything else he’d said. It sliced right through the thin thread of connection between us.
My eyes began to burn, and I blinked hard. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Not going to wish me well with my life?” he asked pointedly.
“Yes, of course I do.” I always wanted the best for Barry, and that meant not being with someone as damaged as me.
“I wish you well too, Addy.” His voice deepened, and the tears I’d held back began to fall. “I hope someday you learn to give yourself a break and give someone who deserves you a chance to be your hero.”
• • •
After that phone call from Barry, I retreated into the dark tunnel again. Losing him so decisively was a devastating blow.
Once I’d called in sick a few days in a row, Teresa came by the apartment to check on me. When I refused to talk about it, she threatened to call my sister again. This time, I didn’t protest. Remembering Barry’s admonitions, I called her.
“Hey,” Rachel said, then asked quickly, “Is everything okay?”
“Why do you assume something is wrong just because I called you?”
“You don’t call often,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s a natural assumption.”
“Right.” I pulled in a breath. “Did you tell Barry to call me?”
“No. He called me, asking about you. He often does.”
“I know you’re a fan of his.”
It hurt that Barry kept in touch with Rachel and not me. But then again, he was right when he said I’d cut him off, cut everyone off. Just because he didn’t know why didn’t make it not true.
Rachel huffed out a laugh. “Of course I’m a fan of his. He’s good for you.”
“Not anymore,” I muttered dejectedly. “We’re no longer friends. He broke it off with me.”
“Oh, Addy. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I blew it again.” I dropped my chin.
Teresa reached across the table. It wasn’t a card table anymore. I’d recently upgraded to a real kitchen table, one that I’d picked out myself.
“Do you want me to come over?” Rachel asked.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m your sister and you’re sad. It hurts that I have to explain.”
“Teresa’s here, and you’re all the way in Lakeside.” I wanted Rachel to have her beautiful life. I had what I had, but I was going to try harder not to shut my sister out again.
“I’m glad you have her as a friend.”
