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“Why did you get to live, while so many others had to die? Why did she have to die?” Theo shouts. His anger vibrating through him.
I let my head fall back as his words bounce off the walls. “You don’t think I wished for him to kill me every single day? Death would have been merciful. The gods and the fates never granted me that salvation.”
Theo stares at the scars along my stomach and legs. Oren may have stabbed me with a trove blade, but the wounds were real. Daily reminders of how he ripped me from my life only fueled my desire to end his.
“You’ve been lying to me since I got here. This really has been a ploy all along. I should have known better. Was your speech about trusting one another nothing more than a lie to get me to agree to your deal?” Theo asks, a hint of pain flashing in his eyes.
“I may not have told you Asher’s true identity, but I have not lied to you. No one outside my crew knows I’m Asher. You know that, especially after our visit to the village. I couldn’t tell you without putting my people at risk. The only reason I’m telling you now is because I trust you, completely,” I say, trying find the man who would have followed me to the ends of the realm just moments ago.
“You’re nothing more than a liar and murderer. You’re just like the ones you claim to despise. Like father, like daughter,” he sneers at me. His nostrils flare as his breathing quickens. A quiet calm rolls through me. All sounds and thoughts narrow to a fine point.
I step toward Theo, and he counters with a step away from me. “Do you think I wanted to do any of those things?” I take another step as I stalk him. My mind focuses only on him. “Do you want to know what caused all these scars?” He continues to back away from me until he collides with the stone wall. He stares at me wide-eyed and panicked as if he’s prey stuck in a predator’s trap.
Theo’s breaths are quick as he tries to find a way out, but he knows he can’t outrun shadows.
“I’ve experienced depths of torture even the strongest warriors haven’t survived. I was nothing more than a vessel meant to be a weapon for Oren, and he reminded me every time he punished me for disobeying his orders.” Theo’s brows pinch together, as if unsure of how to handle my words. His rage falters for a moment before he forces it back.
“Oren loved to whip me until I passed out from the pain, allowing my limp body to remain shackled to the chains on my wall. The cuffs dug into my wrists, leaving a constant reminder of his handiwork.” I raise my arms, showing him the ring of scars. He flinches, as if expecting me to hurt him.
“If the whip wouldn’t get through to me, he would carve at my skin until it was more blood than flesh. Some days, he would pick his fists over tools. Do you know what it feels like when your ribs break and puncture your lung?” I ask, staring up at him. He doesn’t move, frozen to the wall. “The worst part was the constant feeling of suffocation until a physician could figure out how to fix it.”
Theo’s features soften as I continue my confession. Baring myself to him should feel freeing, but it only makes me feel raw and exposed, as if my soul is on display for his approval.
“After a while, you get used to the stomach pains of hunger or the exhaustion from lack of sleep. Days blend into one another in a cascade of pain and agony no one should have to experience. But just like those chains, I eventually broke. I didn’t have a choice. I could continue to fight, and he would kill everyone I loved one by one in front of me, or I could obey. I made the ultimate sacrifice, losing myself so they could live. So my people could live,” I shout, my voice dark as it echoes harshly through the alcove.
The tightly wound spool of my anger is on the verge of completely unraveling. The edges loosen, and the darkness threatens to consume every fiber of me. I force it down with all my control. Wrapping a mental string around it to keep it in place.
“You stuck me in your cell, didn’t you? Those chains on the wall. You broke them?” he asks, unclenching his fists, but frustration still darkens his eyes.
“Yes,” the words are a growl, feeling more animal than mortal. “A reminder of the day I fully gave into the darkness and let the monster consume me.”
In a flash, Theo is upon me. His large hands wrapping around my wrists. As his fingers run along my scars, a burning sensation like hot pinpricks flares down my arms. I pull back, trying to yank out of his grasp, but he tightens his grip.
“Let go of me, now,” I snarl, glaring up at him and baring my teeth. He stares at me, jaw tight. Theo assesses me as if he can see every mark on my soul. I want to run. I want to fight, but he doesn’t release me.
“I’m sorry I let my fear blind me so that I couldn’t see what you were trying to tell me. I didn’t want to believe the kind, gentle queen I’ve come to know is the nightmare that plagues this realm,” he says as the last of his anger ebbs. Mine still rages within, needing a release.
My shadows spread from my hands, coiling around Theo, winding their way up his arms. I can feel every flex of his muscles and quick rhythm of his heart as they trail along his skin. He stares at the darkness slithering its way up his body, and his breath hitches.
A hum vibrates through my shadows as if they are purring under his touch. Theo seems to relax slightly at the feeling.
“Since I arrived, you’ve stressed the importance of me having a choice because you never had one,” he says, more as a question than a statement, so I nod curtly.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. His eyes soft as he looks at me. But my anger isn’t ready to yield yet.
“I don’t need your pity,” I say, trying to pull out of his grip. He doesn’t let me have even an inch. I stare at his chest, not wanting to look at him.
“Look at me, queen.” I reluctantly raise my gaze to him. “You did what you had to do to survive and keep everyone you care about alive. It’s not pity I have for you, it’s respect. You fought the darkness and won. Changing it into something beautiful. You should be proud of that.”
His calmness is grating. “Such pretty words don’t change the fact that I’m a monster, Theo. They don’t change the things I have done.” I try to use my shadows to pry his hands off me, but they don’t seem to want to potentially harm him. I groan in frustration.
Theo pulls me flush to his chest, pinning my arms behind my back. He wraps one hand around both my wrists while the other lifts my chin, so I have to look at him.
“Oren forced you to become a monster. You are not one. You can be mad and rage all you want about the things that happened to you. But you don’t get to take it out on yourself. You’re not what he made you. Even in the darkness, you created light, shining bright like a star, leading everyone to safety. You are good.”
“You are good, Nata.”
My mother’s words combine with Theo’s, finally breaking my anger. I sag in his grip as my shadows fade from his arms. When his lips touch mine in a gentle kiss, I melt into him. His coolness calms my blazing fire, only to reignite the embers of desire.
