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I could only sleep, and pray that the following day would offer some clarity for me. The night promised nothing else than more forbidden thoughts. My hand trembled again, and I lost myself to pleasure, pursuing something elusive.
Chapter Sixteen
Brett
We awoke at midday. Slumber had done nothing to quell my misgivings. The task before us seemed impossible, and although Buck and Mason tried to make me believe that we could accomplish anything, I knew it was unlikely. Sadly, I had to face the fact that Ilvar might well destroy the world.
I did not want to admit this, but I also believed it did nobody any good to avoid the pragmatic truth of the world. From what I knew of Ilvar, which was admittedly not much, he seemed like an ambitious man who would let nothing stand in the way of his goals. We were few in number, and unused to war. We had spent our lives hiding in the comfort of the world, trying to eke out a life in the hope that we could one day flourish.
But was that coming to an end?
I can’t say that I was looking to the future with much hope. As Buck had so handily pointed out; my attention had been purely focused on the past. I had lost someone who meant the world to me, and what could possibly move me after this? And yet… there were always possibilities.
Zeke had tried to make me aware of that, time and time again, but I had not been willing to listen. As far as I was concerned, Tammy was the girl I had been fated to end up with, and yet she had been stolen from me in a grand miscarriage of justice that would never be put right.
But what if I had been wrong?
Because she wasn’t the only sweet hearted, good-natured girl in the world. When Kadie emerged from her slumber and stretched out her arms, basking in the golden rays of the sun, I felt a lump form in my throat. Had there ever been a loveliersight than her? It may have been too forward to think that she was the girl in my vision as we had only just met. I certainly wasn’t going to put forward the possibility to her either as I did not want to push her away. But Buck had made it clear that he was not interested in romance, while Mason was still ailing from Jade’s departure. If there was time for romance, then perhaps it was my time. If we were going to die, then why not try for one last moment of happiness?
I realized that Kadie's first impression of me had been one of grumpiness and irritation. I wanted to show her that there was a different side to me, one that was softer. Besides, I needed to spend more time with her to determine whether she was the girl from my vision anyway. I walked towards her, smiling as I did so. The moment she saw me, she hesitated and a strange look came over her face, almost as though she was ashamed of something. She moved so that she was standing in the shadow of the ruins.
“I wanted to apologize for yesterday. You came at a difficult time, and I was not at my best. I hope that you do not take my mood to be like that all the time.”
“It’s okay,” she said, but still she struggled to meet my gaze.
“Did you try any of my techniques last night?”
“No,” she mumbled. It sounded as if her mouth was filled with marbles.
“I see, and I suppose you did not receive another vision?”
“I’m afraid not. I was just too tired. I went straight to sleep.”
“A pity, perhaps tonight will be different. It would be helpful to have any guidance at all. We stayed up last night, trying to think about what to do, but it is hard to form a plan without a leader.”
“Is Buck not your leader?” she asked.
I frowned and shook my head. “Why would he be?”
“Well, he is Zeke’s son. I just thought it would be natural…”
“Buck doesn’t have any desire to be a leader. Zeke tried to push him when he was younger, tried to make him understand what role awaited him in the future, but Buck was never interested. I think it’s a part of why he always looked towards the horizon. He wanted to find a place where nothing was expected of him.”
“Why would he do that?”
I rolled my shoulders. “I have often asked myself the same question. Only Buck knows the answer. Either way, it means that we are without a leader for the time being. If Zeke were here, then I’m sure he would know exactly what to do, but for now the three of us will have to muddle through.”
“Don’t you or Mason want to take over?”
I wore an incredulous gaze. “I don’t think we’re the types to lead the thunder. The truth is that Zeke always hoped that Buck would come home and take his rightful place. We are quite traditional here. The position should be passed from father to son. I suppose I am the closest and, if I need to take it, I will, but I’m not sure I’m suited.”
“Why not? You have been granted visions, haven’t you? Doesn’t that mean you’ve been chosen by the ancient ones?”
I shrugged. “I stopped trying to figure out their wisdom a long time ago,” I said, trying to sound as good natured as possible. We had fallen into stride with each other, emerging from the shadows and walking through the tall grass near the edge of the cliff. The horizon beckoned and the pull of the void called to me, tempting me to spread my wings and fly. The world around us spread like a muted canvas, but I found a great deal of beauty in the browns and greens of the world. These were allnatural colors, unlike the shining, gleaming tones of the artificial world humans had constructed for themselves.
“But if the thunder still needs a leader…”
I looked to the sky and let my mouth hang open. I sighed a little and then shook my head. “Unfortunately, I do not have the mindset to be a leader.”
