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“No, I haven’t. I haven’t been able to let go of my past. There have been some desperate times when I’ve been forced to reveal myself and it’s never ended well. They’ve all turned away in horror.”
I looked at him in disbelief. “Did you expect it to be any different? You know that’s always been the case. The dragons who have left to live among the humans have to keep their draconic side hidden. What made you think you would be the exception to the rule?”
“I don’t know, I just thought maybe the humans had grown more mature, maybe a little more open minded.”
I barked a laugh and shook my head. “I haven’t spent any time with them, but even I could tell you that’s not going to happen. They’re just the same as they’ve always been. Frankly, it’s a wonder they haven’t destroyed this planet themselves yet,” I spoke in a harsh tone, but then I allowed it to soften. “Buck, doesn’t this just show you that your place is here, with us?”
“I don’t know where my place is. I don’t know where I’ve ever belonged,” he swung around, eyes blazing with fury. It was such a sudden outburst of emotion that I was taken aback.
“Buck, this is your home,” I said, furrowing my brow as I stared at him with a tilted head.
“I know, it’s just… Dad always expected so much from me and I knew I could never live up to it. It’s always been easier when I’ve been out there by myself. I haven’t had to worryabout disappointing anyone. Dad always wanted me to be this great leader. Do you remember when he took me away for those lessons?”
I nodded. Zeke had always taken Buck away to another part of the world where father and son could bond, where sacred wisdom was shared. “Brett and I were always jealous of you. We understood why it had to be that way, but we would have killed to be a part of that as well.”
“Yeah, right, well I hated every minute of it. He kept talking about all these burdens that I was going to have to carry, and I didn’t want any of them. Was that so bad of me Mason? Was it so wrong of me to not want any part of that? Why should I be forced into this mold my father had waiting for me? Why couldn’t he just let me be my own person? And now you’re doing it too. This is why I stayed away for so long. I’m not him. I’m never going to be him, and you can’t expect me to slot into the space he’s left behind and carry on as if everything is normal. I’m sorry that there isn’t a readymade leader waiting here, but I can’t be that person just because you want me to be.”
The words rushed out of him in a staccato rhythm, riding one breath. His body was tense, his features pinched after he finished. And then, he looked sad, and drained. He looked to the sky, but he did not seem to find solace there. And then, all hope that he could be the leader we had been waiting for vanished from my heart.
“Maybe you’re right Buck. I’m sorry for expecting too much from you,” I said in a resigned tone.
“Nobody is perfect,” he replied. I didn’t know if he was talking more about me or him.
*
It was later when Brett and Kadie returned. There was something off about them. Something had happened. Kadie said she needed to get something to eat. She rushed awaywithout saying another word. Brett’s eyes told a different story. He looked taciturn and guilty, as though he had made some mistake.
“Brett, what’s up?” I asked. He glowered and turned away, shaking his head. Buck was nearby. He had been stewing after our discussion and hadn’t said a word since, but now he piped up.
“Did you hurt her?” he asked.
Brett’s face twisted with offence. “Hurt her? Why the fuck would I hurt her?”
“I don’t know, I’m just trying to figure out why she rushed off like that,” Buck replied.
“It’s nothing. I just said something I shouldn’t have,” Brett said.
“What did you say? Do I need to go and speak to her to fix this?” I asked.
Now he glared at me. “Nothing needs fixing. I just let things get the better of me and I thought I sensed something that wasn’t there, that’s all. I was just trying to reassure her that the visions can mean something, that they can come true.”
I tried to think what he could mean. But, as usual, Buck was a step ahead of me.
“Oh no, you didn’t tell her that you think she’s the girl in your vision, did you?” Buck groaned. Brett’s silence said everything.
“Brett, we’ve only just met her,” I said.
Brett pressed his lips together, forming a thin line, before he became aggressive again. “Don’t you think I know that? I just thought… I sensed something. And yeah, you might have just met her, but I’ve had this image in my head since I was a kid,” he jabbed a finger against the side of his skull as he said this. There was so much force in his hand, I thought he might drill through and puncture his brain. “I’ve known her for a long time and,when I started to get to know Kadie, it all felt right. And I know I should have just kept it to myself. I know it’s hardly the right time for this, but if she can receive another vision then maybe we can get a clue about where Ilvar is heading and we can stop him, otherwise I don’t know how we’re going to track him. He could be anywhere.”
“So, you did this out of the kindness of your heart?” Buck asked sarcastically.
Brett gave him a withering look. “Oh, don’t act so sanctimonious with me. It’s not like you’re hanging around here to do anything useful. You’re just hoping she starts noticing the way you’re looking at her. What, have the human girls lost their allure? Are you realizing what you’ve been missing, or do you just want the thrill of seducing a dragon from the thunder of our enemies?”
Buck’s fists clenched and I noticed a vein on his forehead was bulging. “It’s not like that,” he replied through gritted teeth.
Perhaps I had been too hasty in thinking that their animosity had been resolved. Before any kind of rage could erupt between them, I rushed to stand in front of them both. I stretched out each arm, holding them back.
“We don’t want to go down this road again. We’ve been through it many times before, and it’s never ended well. Besides, I thought you had just had a fight and worked through some things,” I said.
