Page 110 of Tell Me You Love Me


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My hands tremble as I bring it to my lips and down it in seconds. When I hand it back to him, my heart races as I try to calm down from the fear rattling around in my brain.

“What the hell was that?” he asks.

“I just need a minute.” I close my eyes, inhaling through my nose as I push on the edges of the memories.

After a few minutes, I open them again. I have every intention of telling him it was just a bad dream, nothing more. But the way he’s staring at me tells me he knows there’s more, and I wonder if he can read my thoughts when he says, “That wasn’t just a dream, was it?”

Or maybe he just knows me too well.

I look into his eyes, a lie on the tip of my tongue. It would be all too easy to shrug it off, to tell him it was nothing. That I have night tremors. They started when I was fifteen.

But for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do it.

“I have something to tell you,” I say, my voice thick. “Something only Teagan knows. Somethingbad.” My voice quivers on this last word.

He nods, taking my hand in his, and his touch is so gentle, my face crumples. Tears fall from my eyes, unbidden and so quickly I have no idea how they got there. Fear and shame wash over me, almost as strong as the day in the locker room when I experienced them firsthand. It’s almost enough to keep me quiet. Until I stare into Jace’s kind eyes, filled with worry, and realize that I love him.

I’m not sure when or how I fell, but at some point, I stopped keeping track and holding back. Loving someone means taking a giant leap of faith that you won’t get hurt and hoping those feelings will be returned, so I inhale a shaky breath and freefall.

“It started a few weeks before Sadie Hawkins sophomore year . . .”

It’s been three weeks since Jace and I consummated our relationship. And two weeks since I told him my deepest, darkestsecret. Afterward, he held me, whispering words of reassurance in my ear.

You’re not alone.

I’m sorry I never knew.

I wish I had.

But I’m here for you now.

If you ever need anything . . .

If you want to talk . . .

God, Brynn, you’re so strong.

You’re the hero of your story.

Incredible . . .

Brave . . .

But I don’t ever want you to shoulder this alone.

And as it turns out, his comments that night outside the locker room weren’t for me. He’d made zero assumptions about my appearance and whereabouts. Instead, I turned my fear and shame from that night into paranoia and incorrectly assumed he was talking to me, when in reality, he was really talking to Graham, messing with him over his crush on Mackenzie.

To think all this time I hated him . . .

I glance in the closet one last time, and once I’m satisfied I’ve packed everything, I turn to the dresser and open the top drawer. It’s hard to believe the summer semester is already over. I can remember moving in here like it was yesterday.

“I can’t believe I spent my last night here,” I say as I grab a handful of underwear and put them in my bag.

“Excuse me. It definitely wasnotyour last night.” Jace sits, propped up in bed by pillows. He’s shirtless and has one arm tucked behind his head, completely at ease.

“I might be convinced to have the occasional sleepover,” I tease.

“Occasional, huh?” he asks, bolting upright, yanking my arm, and pulling me onto the bed.

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