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The concern in his blue eyes remains, and I can’t take it. I can’t take him looking at me with so much compassion when I have no idea how he’d feel or who he’d side with if he knew the truth. “I’m serious,” I add, my tone sharp. “I don’t want you here right now.”
The second the words leave my mouth, I turn for the bathroom, ignoring his crumpling expression as I close the door behind me and fall apart.
CHAPTER 38
BRYNN
I’m staring out theliving room window, waiting until Teagan jogs down the sidewalk and out of sight, before I text Jace back.
Bypassing the string of worried texts from last night, I take a deep breath and start a new one.
ME: Teagan just went for a run, Mom’s in bed, and Dad took the girls to dance class if you want to come over. We’ll be alone at least until he gets back.
I go back to staring outside, this time at nothing, and am unsurprised when he texts back almost immediately. It’s early, but if he’s like me, he got very little sleep.
JACE: Be right there.
I close my eyes as my mind races with everything I need to say and do when he gets here. After my sleepless night, I’m still unsure I’ve come to terms with the fact that the boy whoassaulted me three years ago was Knox. The betrayal sinks deep, slicing through my heart like the flick of a switchblade, and if it hurts this much for me to know it was him, I can’t imagine what it’ll do to both Jace and Teagan. The five of them may have started as friends and teammates, but they’ve become so much more over the years. They’re like a band of brothers. They’ve been through a lot together, especially in the last year, and I know how scared Jace is at the prospect of losing Teagan and possibly the others to our secret. He loves them. All of them, including Knox.
A few weeks ago, I poured my heart out to Jace and I couldn’t have asked for a better response. I’d been validated and comforted. I felt cherished and strong. Regardless, he won’t believe me when I tell him. How can I expect him to believe it when I barely believe it myself?
Believing is too hard, too painful. So, he’ll confront Knox and ask him. Of this I have no doubt, and then it’ll be his word against my own, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to take it when Jace chooses his over mine.
When he doesn’t believe me, then what? The pain of that will be so much worse than the pain of losing him now, on my own terms.
Maybe we were headed in that direction, anyway. At least that’s what I tell myself.
It’s not hard to believe after last night. I saw how Penny and Millie fawned all over him. Half the girls at the party had been eyeing him like a piece of candy. Even his own friends were shocked to hear he wasn’t playing the field at AU. And the fact that he wanted to cool it while we’re home and hide it from everyone doesn’t bode well.
Jace Taggart is not the kind of guy to go to college and suddenly get serious about a girl. He avoids commitment like the plague, and right now, things are new and fresh and so of course,he thinks this will work. But what happens when he gets tired of me? What happens when he gets bored? I have no reason to believe he’s capable of staying for the long haul.
It’s a miracle we’ve even lasted this long, and it’s only a matter of time before he trades me in for someone new and breaks my heart.
The doorbell rings, startling me from my thoughts, and when I glance out the window, I realize it’s Jace.
He never rings the doorbell or knocks. This is his home almost as much as it is mine. For years, he’s just waltzed right in like he owns the place, like he’s a part of the family. So, the fact he’s knocking now tells me he knows something’s not right.
Before I can lose my nerve, I swing the door open and step aside so he can come in.
He’s wearing a blue baseball cap, an AU T-shirt, and shorts. He looks so handsome and effortlessly sexy it makes my heart ache.
Waving him in, I make my way to the sofa on wooden legs and sink into the worn cushions while he takes the seat across from me.
I clear my throat, struggling to find my voice when he breaks the silence first.
“Shit, Brynn, you’re scaring me.” He scrubs a hand over his face and a dry laugh escapes his lips. “Hell, the whole way here I had to talk myself down. Tell myself you weren’t asking me to come here just to break up with me.”
He meets my eyes, and I know what he’s doing. He’s looking for something—anything—that tells him he’s wrong. But he won’t find it.
“Jace . . .” My voice cracks, and I curse myself for showing emotion when I need to hold it together.
A hiss of air escapes his lips as he flops back against the chair. “That’s what this is, isn’t it? That’s why you asked me here. You’re ending us.”
I swallow. “I’ve given it a lot of thought,” I say, parroting what he said last night, “and I think it’s for the best. Neither of us has any idea how Teagan will react when he finds out we’ve been sneaking around behind his back, and I know how much you value your friendship. Not to mention everyone else—”
“I value you more,” he says. “And I can make this work. If this is about last night, all I wanted was to wait until we got back to school. IknowI can make Teagan understand.”
“But don’t you see? Maybe it shouldn’t be this hard. We shouldn’t have to run around and hide. If this is right, then we shouldn’t have to try to convince people that what we have is real.”
