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“Do you feel comfortable doing the cuts yourself?” Robert asked, referring to the edits he wanted on the latest video he’d shot for his drag queen documentary. He tapped the notes with his pencil. “I made a copy of the tape, so you won’t be working with the only source. So long as you don’t hit record on the source VCR it’ll be fine. This is just a rough cut anyway. Mistakes are okay.”
“Sure. I can do this. You’ve shown me enough times. I’m good.”
Robert smiled, and if there was skepticism in his eyes, I pretended not to notice.
Everything else in my life was a mess, but my photographs and Robert’s documentary were two things I was still proud to have a hand in. The latest interview of a retired drag queen from Nashville, a performer named Lady Dee, was intense. Midway through, she’d broken down in tears.
“We’re outcasts,” Lady Dee said solemnly. “We live our lives in a way so few understand. Not even our families. I guess it’s too much to hope they’d love us anyway.” She’d waved her hand to get us to turn the camera off when she’d started to cry in earnest.
Robert flipped distractedly through some paperwork before dropping his pen on the pad and giving me his full attention. “I’ve kept my trap shut before now because I’m the one who’s always telling Barry you’re old enough to make your own mistakes. But honey, I can’t take it anymore. You’ve been utterly miserable the last few weeks.”
“I am.” I forced a big smile. “I am utterly miserable.”
“Oh baby.” He feathered his fingers through my springy hair. “Talk to me.”
His comfort was so needed, and tears sprang to my eyes. I had to blink to force them back. “In Nashville…” I hesitated. I didn’t want to force Robert to take sides, not when he’d obviously tried to remain neutral, and especially not when he wouldn’t take mine. “I made a big mistake.”
“I know. Daniel told me what happened.”
“He did?” Just hearing his name twisted anxiety into guilt.
“Well, your mutual stubble burn was the real snitch, but Daniel spilled like baby powder on a sweet bottom when pressed.”
“Is he okay?”
I was dying to know what he’d said about me, but I was also working very hard on being happy Adam was coming home. I couldn’t risk feeling how much I missed Daniel. When I saw Adam again, I’d remember why I’d chosen him.
At night, though, I couldn’t keep my mind from going back to the intimacy Daniel and I had shared under the motel bedcovers. And I couldn’t forget my nightmares about him, too. During a nap, I’d dreamed I was at Bobby’s house, sitting on the sofa with Milky Way, but neither he nor Daniel could see me. I was invisible.
Now I’d never find out how Roman and John took Marlena’s return from the dead. I’d never go over to Bobby’s place again, or have the opportunity to tell him how the mess of my love life turned out. Heck, I’d probably never see Bobby again before he…
Daniel’s comments about last times echoed in my mind:there’s no closure.
“He’s not angry with you, you know,” Robert said gently, touching my chin to bring my gaze up to meet his.
“He’s not?”
“Of course not, Sweetie.” Robert smiled, honey in his tone like he wanted to seep into all the places I was broken and heal me. “Have you talked to him since Nashville?”
“No.”
“You should. He’s disappointed and hurt, but he understands.”
“Does he?” I scratched at my arms, itchy in my own skin. Why should he understand whenIdidn’t?
“If he’s angry with anyone, he’s angry with himself. He says he should’ve known better.” Robert’s eyebrows rose. “And he should have.”
I bit the side of my cheek and looked down at my hands. “I’m the one who should have known better. I’m the one who started it.”
“It takes two to smooch your way to stubble burns like that.”
I snorted softly but my heart wasn’t in it.
Robert tilted his head and waited for me to say more, but the whole conversation made my throat clench tight, and my chest hurt like I couldn’t breathe. I kept my mouth shut.
Finally, he said, “Did that night in Nashville make you realize you don’t care about Daniel like that? All good in fantasy, but not in reality? Sometimes that happens.”
I covered my face with my hands and took deep breaths. Robert couldn’t have been more wrong.
