Page 107 of You Are Not Me


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He ran his fingers through my hair soothingly. “Come on. Talk to me, baby.”

I leaned into him and let him kiss my forehead.

“You’ve been hurting, haven’t you? I should have brought this up earlier.”

When I could speak again, I whispered, “The problem is, even if I care about Daniel a lot, like awhole lot, and even if he’s wonderful, and…and a really great kisser—”

“And survey says ‘good at everything else too.’”

“Yeah. Even if that’s all true, Adam needs me.” Robert cocked an eyebrow. I ignored it and added, “And even if it’s difficult between us a lot of the time, I do love Adam.”

“I know.”

I was gladsomeoneknew. After the tough spring and our awkward summer, I wasn’t so certain. This fall had to be different. Ithadto. “I’ve put so much into our relationship. And he needs me to hang in there for him.”

“Why?”

“Because no one else truly knows him—all the good and the bad. I’m the only person who loves him no matter what.”

“What lies is he feeding you, baby?” Robert’s voice quivered with outrage. “Have you forgotten about his sister? And his older brother? Or his mother? Don’t they all know the truth about the two of you? And they love him anyway!”

I swallowed hard, irritation pushing through my sadness. Robert’s words threatened my carefully constructed house of cards.

“They don’t suck his dick,” I said, angrily.

“I see. So because you know about Leslie, and she doesn’t know about you, that means he loves you more? That means he needs you more? What promises has he made for this fall? What lies has he filled your head with?”

I’d known talking to Robert would be a bad idea. He’d been turning against my relationship with Adam ever since he first heard about Leslie. And while it’d been a relief to share that burden at the time, to have someone agree with me that it was fucked up, it was coming back to bite me in the ass now.

“He’ll be home soon,” I said, lifting my chin and ignoring Robert’s questions. “I’m going to show him that we can make this work. He doesn’t need me and Leslie both. He can be happy with just me.”

“I see.”

I couldn’t seem to stop talking. My heart pounded harder with each word. “If I walk away from him, he’ll just stay with her. He’ll never admit what he really wants, never love himself for who he really is.”

“Because you’re the only boy in the world?”

“No, because I’m the only boy he loves.”

“Wow, who shoved Jesus from his throne and named you as Naughty Boy’s savior?” Robert crossed his arms. “Did he sell you this load of crap?”

“I know him, okay? And once college gets rolling, he’ll see that we can really be together, just us, without Leslie.” My pulse drummed hard in my ears. “We’re going to be amazing. He’ll leave Oglethorpe, come home to Knoxville, and we’ll make it work.” I squeezed my eyes shut, my chest tight and my mouth going dry.

“Who are you trying to convince, Sweetie?” Robert cooed, his long fingers running through my hair again.

“No one.” I jerked away.

“Have you talked to your parents about any of this?”

“No.”

Mom and Dad had been worrying over me ever since I got back from Nashville. I’d blown them off, telling them it was just nerves about the upcoming school year. That’d sent Dad on a long-winded ramble over dinner about how to avoid the typical pitfalls of freshman year, while Mom had studied me shrewdly and said nothing.

Safe-sex brochures had shown up on my bed again the next morning along with a box of condoms. I’d refused to acknowledge them.

“I can’t talk to them. Apparently, I can’t talk to anyone,” I snapped.

Robert’s frown relaxed. “I’m sorry. Don’t be angry, baby. I didn’t mean to make you sad again. I want you to feel better. I miss your sweet smile.” He rubbed my shoulders, but his placating words just set me even more on edge.

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