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“Shh, hey, it’s okay. You were just…some guy was…”
“Some guy waswhat?”
“You were just sort of standing there letting some guy hold your dick while Jeremy went down on you. That’s all. You don’t need to panic about a blow job. From what we can tell, HIV is almost never transmitted byreceivingoral sex.”
“Yeah. Right. Okay.”
I knew that was true. I’d read the pamphlets my mom had left for me, and the sex education classes I’d had in public school had mentioned that fact. I took a deep breath, the adrenaline still zipping through my body.
“But here’s the thing I’m concerned about. I was thinking about it this morning because you were so out of it last night. There’s no good way for me to say this, so I’m just going to put it out there. If you don’t remember everything, then I really think you need to consider taking the most cautious route here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you think there’s a possibility anything else could have happened?”
“You mean did I let anyone fuck me?”
Daniel sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I mean. Or did you go down on anyone?”
“No! I mean, I don’t think so. Of course I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that.” I grabbed a handful of my hair. Pacing, I stretched the phone cord as far as it would go, and then back again.
“Okay, maybe you wouldn’t. But do you have a history of making impulsive sexual choices?”
I remembered the first night I went to Tilt-a-Whirl with Adam and our impromptu rubbing off on each other in the Chalky ’N’ Joe’s bathroom followed by oral sex back at his house—both given and received—before I’d really asked all the “right” questions.
“Um, not really, but maybe a little?”
“So, you’re absolutely sure you didn’t engage in any riskier sexual contact last night?”
Silent, I slid down to the floor, pressing my back against the wall.
“Peter?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember for sure.” I swallowed and shoved my fingers under my glasses to rub my eyes. Harry padded in from the hall, heading for his bed in the corner. But then he stopped, cocked his head at me, and came to sit by my side. I stroked him and pressed my face into his stiff fur.
“Well, you might need to get tested, andkeepgetting tested until you’re sure you’re okay.”
I slumped against Harry. He burrowed in, letting me hold him. I’d always been careful during sex. Adam and I had used condoms. Had I really put myself at risk just by being stupid once?
I tried to breathe. “Doyouthink I did anything I’d need to be tested for?”
Daniel was quiet. “Not that I saw, but I didn’t see everything.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped I didn’t cry. My chest ached, and I wanted to scream.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he said gently. “How about this? At the very least, I think you should ask Jeremy—it was Jeremy, right, who gave you the GHB?”
“Yeah.”
“You could ask him what he remembers. That might clear some things up. Do you have his number?”
“No,” I whispered. Harry licked my cheek, and I snuggled him harder.
“I do,” Daniel said. “Do you want it?”
“I’m kind of freaking out. I don’t know if I can call.” Also, why did Daniel have Jeremy’s number? Were they friends? I shook my head, clearing the thoughts. It didn’t matter. I needed to focus.
Part of me wanted Adam to be home so I could walk down the street, crawl into his arms, and cry. I wanted him to rub my back and tell me I was fine, I hadn’t done anything stupid, and I was safe. And part of me was sure if he were there, and I told him what’d happened, he’d be angry with me. He probablyshouldbe angry with me.
