Page 56 of You Are Not Me


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She took that for an opening. “Where have you been all summer?” She cocked her head, her eyes softening in concern. “I’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you.”

Guilt, that familiar awful friend, settled as a lump in my gut. “Oh, you know. I’ve been working a lot. I’ve got to save up for this fall.”

I refrained from making a jab about not having wealthy parents, because I remembered how crappy it’d made me feel when Minty had implied that about me. No matter how awkward our situation was, Leslie didn’t deserve to feel bad about anything at all. She was the victim in this mess. I was the dickhead.

I squinted into the sun and wondered if I had to invite her inside. My stomach slithered into knots. “Despite working all the time, I’ve got a long way to go to meet my goals.”

She smiled reassuringly. “Sure, and it’s great that you’re so focused and driven, but can’t you make some time for your friends? You don’t even return our phone calls.”

Nausea-tinged sadness swelled. A part of me was touched that she’d gone so far as to ambush me at home, and another part of me wished that Adam had never put us in this horrible position. That I’d never let him.

“Um…” I scratched at my chin, feeling a little of my scraggly five-o’clock shadow pushing through. Shoving off the doorjamb, I asked, “Do you wanna…?” I motioned awkwardly for her to come inside.

“Yeah, thanks.” She shoved a hank of hair behind her ear. “I thought you’d never ask.”

I led her into the house. “I’m making mac and cheese.” My voice was shaky and hollow, and my appetite was gone. “Do you want some?”

“I already ate, but thanks.” She followed me through to the kitchen, her eyes slowly roaming over our living room and the pictures in the hallway. I realized she’d never been inside my house before.

In the kitchen, she settled in on a stool by the counter, and I turned to dump the macaroni into the pot of boiling water. I set the timer. The silence stretched between us, and she finally asked, “You’re not going to say you’ve missed me too?”

“You know I have.” And I had, but not enough to make myself feel this crappy on a regular basis. Not when Adam wasn’t around to shoulder his share. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been working a ton. What’ve you been up to?”

I let out a long breath of relief when she took the olive branch and started talking about her family’s vacation to Bonaire. Stirring the macaroni, I nodded and smiled as she described the blue water and the tropical fish she saw while snorkeling.

She leaned her chin on her hand. “And I swear our snorkeling guide looked just like Susan!”

“My Susan?” My stomach curled in on itself again. No matter what we’d pretended, she’d never beenmySusan. Neither of us had wanted that.

“Yes! Red curly hair, freckles, and she smiled like her too. But she didn’t have the lisp.”

“Ah, yeah. The lisp.”

“Did you think her lisp was cute?” Leslie asked, little creases showing up between her brows.

“Sure.”

“Hmm.” Leslie eyed me carefully. “Do you ever hear from her?”

“No. Why?”

“Don’t you think that’s kind of strange?”

The timer went off. I grabbed a colander, emptying the macaroni into it, the steam hitting me full in the face. “Why would it be strange?”

“She was yourgirlfriend.”

I sighed and shook the colander over the sink. “Not really. I mean, we neverdated.”

“Or went beyond first base.” Leslie’s blue eyes narrowed shrewdly.

I didn’t say anything, pretending to focus on getting all the macaroni back in the pot so I could add the cheese.

“Come on, Peter, why haven’t you dated for real? I told Adam I thought…”

“What?” I could guess what she thought and what she’d told Adam. I wondered how he’d responded. Leslie wasn’t a stupid girl, and I was so damn far from straight. Shehadto know at least part of the truth.

“Nothing.” She twirled her soft blond hair in her fingers.

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