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We stayed silent as I added the cheese, stirring it in thoroughly.
She asked, “What are you doing tonight?”
“I have to mow the lawn.”
“Yeah? Well, we all miss you, and you haven’t been around at all since Adam left. Can’t you put off mowing one more day? Go to the movies with me, Van, Mike, and Allison?”
“What’re you seeing?” I asked, even though I knew I’d say no.
“Bride of Re-Animator.”
“Ah, man, it’s tempting, but my folks said I’ve got to mow the lawn.”
“Well, can you hurry up and do it? The movie doesn’t start until nine.”
“No. It’s a big yard, and I need to get gas for the mower. I’ve put it off too long already.” Lies, lies, lies.
“Your yard isn’tthatbig. Besides, Adam says you need to get out.”
Anger slipped into my churning gut, poisoning me further. I stirred the mac and cheese hard, scraping the clumps off the sides of the pot. So Adam had orchestrated this? He was all the way across the world, and he was still trying to control me.
I kept my tone even. “My yardisthat big, and Adam isn’t the boss of me.”
“Okay, well, come out with us tomorrow night. We’re headed down to the Old City to go to Chelsea Station, and maybe we’ll hit the Underground to dance.”
“The Underground?” I snarled my lip. “Are you old enough to get in?”
“It’s eighteen and up.”
I snapped off the heat and moved the pot to the back of the stove. “I don’t think I can make it.”
The thought of going to a dance club with the Kingsley group made my palms sweat. I cared about them all, and we’d had good times together, but I couldn’t keep lying and pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Just standing across from Leslie now made me feel sick.
Leslie’s eyes glinted. “Fine. Be a jerk.” She sighed again. “Peter, it’s like you don’t even want to see us anymore. It hurts our feelings. Did we do something wrong?”
My throat tightened. “No. It’s not you guys.”
“You know we’d like you no matter what, right? Like, really. No matter what.”
I knew it was the closest she’d come to asking if I was gay. At least today, anyway. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. Right now she believed she’d still like me if she knew the truth, but I knew better.
“Leslie, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. I’m not mad at anyone. You’re all great. I guess I’m just depressed about losing Harry.” My throat clicked when I swallowed. This was why I had to say no to hanging out with them. All the fuckinglies.
Her eyes softened again and she reached out a hand. I didn’t take it. “Adam told me your dog died. I’m so sorry. You’d had him for a long time, hadn’t you?”
I almost asked how often she talked to Adam. Probably more often than I did since he didn’t have to hide phone calls to her. “Yeah, he was sixteen.”
“Almost your whole life. I’m sorry. That’s so sad.”
I went in for the kill, hoping to end my misery. “I’m not over it yet. Listen, I need to eat and mow the lawn.”
“Are you asking me to leave?”
“Sorry.”
She frowned but let me guide her to the front door. She hugged me awkwardly. I patted her back, wishing I were a good person, wishing this wasn’t the worst feeling in the world. “Thanks for stopping by. I’m sorry I can’t go out.”
“Sure, Peter.”
