Page 68 of You Are Not Me


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I ran a hand over my face, my heart thundering. The world shifted under my feet again, but not in the good way like when I’d first seen Daniel. In a bad way like I might pass out. “That’s Adam’s girlfriend, and those are our friends.”

Daniel let the door fall closed and stepped back onto the sidewalk with me. He stared through the window, his eyebrows lowered in concern. “That table there? With the blond girl?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I can’t go in there.” I needed to get away before they saw me. “I thought she was eating dinner with her folks…”

“Guess her plans changed,” Daniel said softly.

I chewed my lip.

“You’re not out to them.”

I shook my head. “You guys eat without me. I’m fine. I’ll just head over to McDonald’s and grab something fast. It’s okay.”

Daniel watched Leslie and my high school friends through the window while I fidgeted and backed away. I glanced in through the door quickly to see the hostess seating our group at the big empty table right beside the Kingsley gang.

Daniel sighed. “Wait at the corner for me, okay?”

“No, you eat.” I smoothed my sweaty palms on my jeans. “I’m fine.”

Daniel darted a look inside again. “Your friends are paying their check. We’ll just walk up to Raven Records, have a look around, and walk back. They’ll be gone by then.”

“But you’re hungry—”

“I’ll have the guys order for us. What do you want? A burger?”

Grateful and embarrassed, I agreed. Daniel jerked his head toward the corner, and I scurried that way as he went inside. I fidgeted alone, my fingers digging around in my pockets, tugging on loose threads. Anxiety rippled in me, and I wanted to shout or cry.

Luckily, it didn’t take long before Daniel jogged up to meet me, a smile on his lips. “They’re going to order for us.”

“What did you tell them about why I didn’t go in?”

“The truth.”

Daniel’s steps were strong and certain as we walked up the hill. He didn’t scold me or ask questions, just shoved his hands in his pockets and walked calmly with his head held high. His demeanor settled my nerves while setting butterflies off in my stomach.

Raven Records was a total hole in the wall built into the side of another hole in the wall. Walking down the steps into the basement store, I ducked to keep from hitting my head at the low entry. It was dingy, crowded with bins of records, and the lack of windows left the place stuffy.

But it was, without a doubt, one of the coolest places I’d ever been. “Punk Rock Girl” by The Dead Milkmen garbled through the speakers hung precariously from the corners, and the walls were covered in albums from bands like Bikini Kill, The Jesus and Mary Chain, and Nunfuckers.

I tugged at my Henley, hoping I wouldn’t be kicked out for looking like a prep. I’d heard that’d happened before. Daniel seemed comfortable though, and he paused by the front counter with a wide smile.

“Any new R.E.M. bootlegs?” he asked. “Or Sting?”

The guy manning the store had shaggy, dyed-black hair that hung in his eyes, and he wore a black T-shirt with a bloody cross on the front. I doubted he listened to R.E.M. at all—or Sting for that matter. “No,” he said with a grimace. “But we got a new bootleg from the last Smiths tour.”

He didn’t seem to think much better of them, going by his snarl. Still, Adam loved The Smiths, and I hadn’t sent him anything, not even a letter, since he’d left for Rome. Maybe this could be a gift for him.

“How much?” I asked.

“Thirty-one.”

I instinctively grasped at my wallet. “Seriously? For a crummy-sounding cassette tape of a live show?”

“It’s on CD actually,” the man said. “And, yeah, it’s a hard one to come by. Collectors will pay.”

“Can I look at it?” I asked, reluctant to plunk down that much cash but feeling guilty now that I’d thought of how little I’d done for Adam while he was away. And for being out with another guy whom I regularly thought about while jerking off.Andfor all the usual things I always felt guilty for.

Daniel stayed by my side. There was a calm weight to his presence, and I soaked it in, willing my sick stomach and knotted conscience away. The man handed over the bootleg disc. Someone had made a nice cover for it featuring a picture of Morrissey pilfered from some magazine shoot.

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