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“Get me naked?”
He huffed, going serious. “Fuck, yes.”
I stopped and rubbed my hand over my face. “Daniel…”
“You have a boyfriend. Believe me, I know.”
“I can’t want the things you want.”
“But you do.”
I squirmed. “Maybe I should just head back to Tilt-a-Whirl.” Or home. Where I’d be safe from running into Leslie or having to confront my traitorous feelings about Daniel.
He grabbed my hand and held me in place. I didn’t pull away, letting the strength of his fingers slide against mine. He shook his head and captured my gaze. “I’m sorry. Forget I said all that.”
I didn’t want to forget. His words were going to pursue me to my bed, and I was going to jerk off tonight thinking about what they meant.
He smiled sadly. “I won’t pressure you.”
“What if I want you to?”
Daniel licked his lips. “Do you want me to?”
“I don’t know. I’m confused.” My heart skittered, and my blood screeched.
He squeezed my fingers. “I tell you what, let’s just stay friends, okay?”
“Why?” Disappointment bled into my voice, and I knew he heard it too. I was sending mixed signals to say the least, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Because you need friends more than you need me to push you into anything.”
I swallowed thickly, gesturing toward Hanna’s and the scene of my prior near-humiliation. “I’ve got friends.”
Daniel just looked at me.
I darted my eyes away. “Okay, I guess I do need gay friends.”
“Yeah, you do. And hey, we’ve got the rest of summer before your boyfriend gets back. Maybe what’s between us will disappear.”
My throat tightened. “Is that what you want?”
Daniel groaned. “Peter, I like you and want you around. Let’s just stick with that.”
I agreed, our clasped hands becoming a handshake, an agreement to stay friends.
As we joined the others at Hanna’s and sat down to burgers that’d just been delivered to the table, disappointment dug into me like an elbow to the gut. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right, but I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
Adam did. Why couldn’t I?
Because it wasn’t what I wantedreally.
I watched Daniel take the pickles off his burger and listened as he filled the guys in on our purchases at Raven Records. I smiled and nodded when it seemed right, but my mind was back on the street, wishing I’d refused the “just friends” proposition.
Wishing I wasn’t so confused inside about what I wanted. AboutwhoI wanted.
***
Back at Tilt-a-Whirl,my past aversion to public dancing dissolved entirely in the heat of my new friends’ enthusiasm. There was no room for self-consciousness in the thumping beat of the extended dance mix of “Fascination Street,” and together we melted into it.
