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“It’s okay,” I said. “You get to be selfish sometimes. You can’t be strong for everyone, and it’s okay to show me your weakness. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After that we were able to talk more objectively about Adam and what he’d said and done. Daniel advised me to keep on being careful. We couldn’t know the state of Adam’s mind right now. Not if he’d told Leslie everything, like he claimed. “I wonder, though,” Daniel said, and then didn’t go on.
“Wonder what?”
“How she felt? What she must be going through right now? She was a nice girl. I could tell that when I met her.”
Guilt slammed into me. “I was so caught up in how it made me feel when he showed up that I didn’t give her even a minute of thought.” I let out a rough laugh. “You’re a much better person than me. Again.”
“You’re a good person. He’s hurt you a lot. Hold on.” There was a voice in the background, muffled and masculine. “Yeah, Grandpa. Sure. I’ll come help.” Daniel sighed in my ear. “Hey, so Grandpa needs me to inflate some new rafts for the kids. They love the pool. Can’t get enough of it. Paul burns like a lobster, though. I wish they made a stronger sunscreen.”
“Go on then,” I said. “Talk tomorrow?”
“I’ll try.”
“I love you.”
Daniel sighed again. “I love you too. Stay safe.”
“I will.”
The sound of the line disconnecting hurt. I wanted to keep on talking with him, being close to him, until all the anxiety that’d been introduced between us at the mention of Adam dissolved. But life didn’t wait for healing. It just carried on whether we were still hurting or not.
That night, with Milky Way asleep at my side, my mind turned over the events of the last few days instead of sleeping. Now that Daniel had brought her up, I couldn’t stop thinking about Leslie, the real victim of what Adam and I had done.
How was she feeling? What must she be going through right now? How much hurt was she enduring? And who could she get comfort from? Her best friend was Sarah, and first and foremost Sarah was Adam’s sister, his twin. Worse, Sarah had been in on the whole thing. Even Sarah’sboyfriendknew the truth.
Leslie must be wondering if she could ever trust anyone again. Her world must have been turned upside down when he told her.
Groaning, I shifted, trying to get comfortable. But it was impossible. The discomfort wasn’t in my body, it was in my heart and soul.
As ugly as it was, as scary as it would likely be, I knew what I needed to do. If not for Leslie, then for myself. Even now, even in this, I was a selfish jerk.
I just hoped I was being selfish in the right way for a change.
Chapter Thirty-Four
‡
Leslie’s house wasin one of the nice new neighborhoods that had been going up in Knoxville over the last ten years or so. These consisted of brick homes and very little aesthetic variety. I didn’t love the sameness of it all, but I knew the style was considered the latest sign of being “high class.” Leslie’s parents were both psychologists, and they did quite well. I remembered her house reflected that, both inside and out.
Not that I was going to be invited inside today.
Ringing the doorbell, I waited. My heart throbbed, and I was dizzy with nerves. I rubbed my cold hands together and tightened my scarf around my throat.
Footsteps sounded from within. “I’ll get it, Mom!” Leslie’s clear, calm voice.
I almost ran. The only reason I didn’t was I knew I’d never make it back to my car and down the drive before she opened the door. And the only thing worse than what I was about to do to her would be running off before I actually did it.
The door swung open. “Oh.”
I opened my mouth to speak but choked on the words and ended up coughing and gagging a little at the same time. I thought for a second that she’d slam the door in my face, but, instead, she came out onto the front porch, closing the door behind her.
“You.” Her voice was pitched quieter and deeper than I’d ever heard it before. “The whole time. You.”
“I’m so sorry,” I got out. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
