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If my camera hadn’t been at the bottom of my backpack, I would have snapped a picture.
“So,” he said, tapping his fingers against his cup and peering at me. “Let’s cut through the bullshit and allow me to ask the thing I’ve always wanted to know. Are you still screwing Adam Algedi?”
I choked on my latte, burning my tongue. I wiped my mouth with my napkin, and when I threw it down on the table, my hands were shaking. “I’m sorry?What?”
“Well, maybe he screws you, but whatever the case, I have eyes, and I’m gay. Maybe no one else at Kingsley knew what was going on, but I did. I think Van suspected, too. He just didn’t want to get involved.”
I yearned for my camera so I could start firing off shots and put distance between me and Millar. I coughed some more, cleaning up the mess from the coffee I’d spilled.
But Millar wasn’t letting it go. “So? Is that still going on?”
“Um, no.” Numbness marked the answer. Shock wiped out my ability to feel anything at all. “I’m interested in someone else now.”
“Oh? I can’t imagine it’s someone better-looking.”
“It’s someone without a girlfriend,” I said. “That’s pretty appealing.”
“A definite improvement,” he agreed, laughing. “God, your face. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just hit you with it like that.”
“It’s okay. I just…we thought. I don’t know.”
“You thought no one knew.”
“Yeah. How long have you known?”
“Since you guys joined the yearbook last year. He was pretty possessive of you, and you were gaga over him. I mean, that stupid Carpenters song was written for you, man. You heard birds singing whenever he was near.”
I could get my camera out, take some pictures of the patrons of Cuppa, ignore Millar and my racing heart, but something held me in place. I toyed with the handle of my coffee mug. Taking another sip, I barely tasted it with my now-burned tongue.
“So, it went bad between you?”
“It was always bad.”
“No, it wasn’t. You guys were in love.”
“We were. But we fought a lot. It was miserable lying to everyone.”
“But there were good times, right?”
I didn’t want to remember the times when it’d been just the two of us, and I’d been happy and in love. I didn’t want to remember how it’d felt to be with him. It didn’t fix anything, and it wasn’t going to stop me from falling in love with Daniel.
Or maybe I already did love him. He was such a good person, and when I was with him, I felt safe. I wiped a hand over my eyes and thought of Daniel’s smile, and my gut twisted with wild yearning and joy. Maybe I loved him.
“So, who ended it?”
“I did.”
“Oooh, I bet he took it badly.”
“Yeah.”
“Adam was crazy about you. But it was clear he was crazy about Leslie, too. I can see how that would hurt.”
“It sucked.” I didn’t know what else to say. Thinking about it made me feel sick and want to cry all at once. I’d much rather think about Daniel and how I might love him. Dream of convincing him to love me…
“I’m being a bit of a bastard about all this, aren’t I?”
I shrugged and took another sip of my latte.
