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“I am, but I’m not ready to be anyone’s father. I’m just a kid myself. I love them both, but I’m not doing them any favors by trying to be something to them that I’m not.” His voice grew husky. “Like Paul said, I’m not his father. I want to go back to being their brother. I want to go back to beingme.”
I put my hands out to him, palms up, inviting him to take them. “I understand.”
Daniel took my hands, and we sat in silence for a few moments. When he tugged his hands back, he went on, “Also, I’m not helping either of them by letting them stay in Mom’s orbit. My grandparents have the time and resources to dedicate to them.”
Daniel sipped his coffee again, taking another bite of cookie. “Besides, my grandparents will be able to enforce good boundaries with my mother, too. When she’s out of rehab, and she wants the kids back, they’ll have the fortitude to fight her if that’s not the right thing for Paul and Ken. I can’t fight my own mother…” He gave a sad, aching laugh. “I can’t do that. This is better. For everyone.”
I still wanted to help if I could. “Until then, which days can I help you with Kennedy and Paul?”
“Thanks, but that’s not necessary.”
“I swear I’m good with kids. Maybe. Well, I can probably keep them from dying.” Heat rose in my cheeks. “That’s what a babysitter does, right?”
Daniel’s mouth cracked into a helpless smile. He put his warm hands over mine this time. “It’s sweet you want to help, but let’s get real. Right now, the kids are angry and scared.” He flicked a considering glance up at the ceiling. “Well, maybe not Kennedy, but Paul is. I can’t put you in a position where you’d have to deal with the emotional fallout of what’s going on in their heads. It wouldn’t be fair to them or to you.”
“But—”
Daniel didn’t let me speak. “I need to stay close to home right now anyway. Besides, you’re going to have plenty to deal with soon, aren’t you? What with starting college and juggling your job.” He sighed. “So, go be a college freshman and have fun, okay? I’ve got this.”
I turned my hands around and captured his fingers in mine again. “Now you sound like Bobby. ‘Don’t want your help, kid. Go have fun. Kiss boys. Party down.’”
Daniel tugged his hands back and rubbed his face. “Peter, why are you really here today?”
Once again, hope peeked out of its hiding place in my heart. “You invited me,” I reminded him. “And I want to help you.”
Daniel let out a long breath. “I think we should cut to the chase. What doyouwant fromme?Because I have nothing to give you right now. I’m running on empty, and if you need an ego boost after spending time with Adam, I’m sorry. I can’t be that for you.”
His words kicked the breath out of me. “No. That’s not it.”
Daniel’s brow lifted.
My throat went tight. “I want to make up for what happened before.”
I meant something so much bigger than that. I wanted to make up for the entire last year of mylife, for who I’d been to him and Leslie,andfor what I’d done to them both. But I also needed to find a way to prove it all tomyself—not only to him, but to me. This wasn’t just about Daniel. It was about being the person I wanted to be.
So maybe Iwasbeing selfish in a way. I wanted to be a better man, and, yes, eventually, I wanted to be with Daniel again, but I wanted to earn him.
“You don’t have to make up for not wanting to be with me,” Daniel said. “I’m a big boy. I can handle it.”
“I want us to be close again,” I said, hoping he could sense the truth in my words. “We had a good friendship. It means—youmean—a lot to me.”
Standing up, Daniel carried the plate of uneaten cookies over to the counter and wrapped them in aluminum foil, tossing the bundle in a floral cookie jar. My heart throbbed. Was this my cue to go? Were we through here? He didn’t say anything at all.
“You don’t want that?” I asked.
Daniel let out a long breath, turning to me with a steady, honest gaze. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I don’t have time to try to be friends again right now. If you want to take on Bobby’s care when he’s released, I’d appreciate that. But anything else—even offers to help—is more than I can deal with.”
Sweat gathered at my forehead. A hot flash of embarrassment struck me, and with a sharp twist of pain, the hope hiding in my heart shriveled up and died. I’d ruined everything. I didn’t get to just get it all back because I wanted it. Hadn’t I learned that lesson yet? Hadn’t Adam’s selfishness taught me anything?
Still, some angry part of me wanted to ask why he’d invited me over then. If this was what he’d wanted to say, he could’ve said it over the phone. I opened my mouth to tell him he might not have time for his friends, but his friends had time for him. But I closed it again. Was this why Minty wasn’t here supporting his “best friend?” Did Daniel push people away when he needed them most? Should I ignore his protests the way we often ignored Bobby’s?
Still, Daniel had made his position clear.
Nodding, I stood. “All right, I get it. I’m sorry. I’ll take care of Bobby for you, and that’s all. I promise. I won’t ask for more.” The coffee had left a bitter taste on my tongue, and it tasted a lot like shame. I pushed up the sleeves of my cardigan and reached for my camera. “I’m sorry if I’ve made things harder for you. I should go.”
As I started out of the breakfast nook and lifted my camera strap over my head, Daniel’s gaze locked on to my left arm.
Chapter Two
