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“We could go after. It starts late. There’ll be plenty of time to drive back, get ready, head over.”
I shivered, the idea of going to a real, live sex dungeon making me feel a little dizzy. The evening had been so full of emotionalready. I felt like I was on overload.
Luke seemed to sense it. He rubbed a hand over my chest, and then whispered, “It’s been a long night. You don’t have to decide now.”
“I know. But I do want to go. I want to see what it’s like.”
Luke’s arms tightened around me, and his voice grew tense as he asked, “Okay. We can talk about it more tomorrow. But, tonight, I want to…”
I stroked over his forearms comfortingly. “What do you want?” I encouraged.
“I want to try making love to you again. This time, no scene. This time, just us. Can you try? Do you want to?”
I thought about it, a fist in my gut. I suddenly understood the “why” of something I’d never been able to explain it before. To let someone love me? I’d need to let myself be truly weak. The protective power I’d learned to wield was strength made of pain—both the infliction and the endurance of it. Sex without pain was, to me, sex without power, without agency.
But now that we were more equal, maybe I didn’t need power if we were both going to be stripped of it. If we were both going to be vulnerable and bare.
“It’s all right,” Luke went on. “We don’t have to.”
“No,” I said, breaking out of his arms and sitting up so I could see his face, and he could see mine. “I want to try it. I can’t promise anything. But I want to try.”
His eyes went soft and a little timid. So different from the man who’d choked me against the wall of his office at the sex shop. So different from the man who’d made me cry with his whips on more than one occasion and laughed at my tears. God, I loved that guy too.
But this one? He was a jewel.
“All right, are there any rules? Boundaries?”
My heart beat hard. “Yes.”
“What are they?”
“Don’t be mean to me, don’t be rough, no matter what I say or do. I want to be loved, Luke. I really do.”
“All right, baby. I’ll try if you’ll try.”
We stood and headed toward his bedroom again, and this time Iwasgoing to surrender. I was going tolovebeing loved.
Chapter Twenty
‡
Minty
Slipping the borrowedclothes off, leaving them pooled on the floor next to the bed, I slid beneath the covers, feeling timid and hoping to hide that I wasn’t hard—not yet.
Luke tossed his clothes onto the chair across the room and headed toward the bed with his hard cock swinging. My mouth watered at the sight of it, and I wanted him to straddle my chest, hold my head down, and fuck into my throat—
But no.
Thatwasn’twhat I wanted. He was going to love me. I was going to let myself be loved, and I was going to love him back. With none of the violence that kept me from feeling out of control and vulnerable.
Instead, I was going to be scared—truly scared—raw, at the edge of what I could manage to endure, and then I’d just…let go. My heart pounded, my pulse rushed, and the terror that poured through me woke up my cock. Could I do this? I was beginning to think I could.
Peeling the covers off me, Luke gazed down with soft, loving eyes. He straddled my hips, letting his balls graze my hardening cock where it lay flexing against my stomach. I reached up and ran my hands over his tight stomach and pecs, tweaking his nipples experimentally.
Leaning over to the bedside table, he grabbed the lube and positioned it on the pillow beside us before settling on top of me. His legs cradled my hips, and his hairy chest skimmed over my nearly hairless one. I rubbed his nipples, pinching and rolling them between the pads of my thumb and index finger. Staring into my eyes, his breath came in shorter and shorter until he kissed the tip of my nose, my eyebrows, and my temples, before kissing my mouth.
Our tongues moved together, familiar and sweet. Our breath tangled and our bodies crushed against each other, seeking friction and pleasure. I flashed to times when I’d had similar encounters with men in the past—all fun and games, all of them hungry for me, and not a single one of them had loved me. They’d been using me to get off.
