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Thisman loved me. He loved me with his tongue, his lips, his cock and hips, and with his hot, adoring gaze as he rose over me, reached for the lube, and shocked the hell out of me by reaching around to use it on himself.
“Ever done this?” he asked, knowing from the forms I’d filled out that I considered myself an exclusive bottom. “Do you want to?”
I nodded.
Of course I’d fucked someone before—that washowI’d decided to be an exclusive bottom. But I’d never fucked a man I loved, just a stupid boy who’d complained the entire time that I wasn’t doing it hard enough. Maybe it would be different if I did it with love. If I moved inside Luke with this gooey, warm affection powering every thrust.
“You do?”
“Yeah, I want to,” I murmured. “Please let me.”
His lips tilted up at the ends, his eyes still gentle as he peered down at me. “I’ll let you,” he agreed. “But let me handle the penetration. I don’t do this often.”
A flower bloomed in my chest at those words. I’d known it of course. He told me when he’d explained his HIV status that it’d been a one-time mistake.
“Let me just—” He reached between his legs, using a lot of lube and his own rough fingering to open himself up. I shivered watching, my mind scrambling at the implications.
After far too long, and also what seemed like way too soon to be physically truly comfortable yet, Luke gripped my dick and positioned me at his asshole.
“You can take your time,” I whispered.
“No,” he gritted out. “I want it like this. I don’t want to wait.” His head tipped back, exposing his long neck. His mouth fell open, sweat broke out on his forehead, and he groaned loudly as he sat back and took me in.
My lashes fluttered at the tight, hot grip of him, but I managed to keep my eyes open, watching as a flush rose up his chest and into his throat, watching as his stomach muscles quivered while he sank deeper onto me. I saw the moment when my cock became a challenge for him to take in—the shifting of his weight on his knees, the subtle shock of in-taken breath…
God, he was gorgeous. I loved everything about him.
I didn’t know what had gone wrong with the one time I fucked a guy before—maybe it was just that he’d been so negative about it—but the heat and friction, the slickness of Luke’s interior walls, and the way he trembled as he took me all the way in felt amazing.
“Baby,” he said, voice shaking. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, putting my hands on his haunches, holding him down on me. “You?”
“Good. Fantastic. You feel nice. You fill me up.”
I murmured, “I can’t believe I’m in your body. Raw.”
Why this felt different than when he was insidemethis way, I didn’t know, but it felt holy. If rock-and-roll service wasn’t church,this definitely was. Even if most Christians I knew would denounce it, call us sinners, and hate us. But they were wrong because this was what true love felt like. This hot mess in my chest, this ache in my balls, and the need to please that filled me from my toes to my crown. I wanted so much to make Luke feel good, to make him come for me. To love him with my body.
“I wanted to do it this way,” he murmured. “Because you don’t have habits or memories that might trigger your resistance. I thought we might have more success.”
His voice remained thready and higher pitched than I’d ever heard it, but he sounded hopeful that I’d agree his idea was working.
I said, “It’s good. It’s helping.”—because it was.
He bent low, some of my cock sliding out of him as he moved and brushed my hair off my face with both hands. Peering into my eyes, he murmured, “Fuck me, baby? Please fuck me.”
I didn’t look away as I took hold of his hips and squared my feet on the bed so I could lift my hips and penetrate him again. His expression shifted, eyes rolled up, lashes fluttering, mouth opening in a dazed little O, and I was lost. It was glorious, the sensation, his reactions, the way he let me pound him like I was trying to drive my heart’s adoration right up into his ass.
I wasn’t on the edge of sanity like how I got when we played rough, when he topped me, and choked me, and spit on me, and said horrible things to me. But this was just as good in its own way. It was peaceful, intense, and beautiful. I felt like my skin was electrified with love and kindness, with pleasure and sweet desire.
Tears filled my eyes more than once at just how pure my feelings for him were, like my love was pouring out of me in my sweat, andhislove came gushing out of him in small sounds. Our love being made so beautifully together.
Luke’s eyes were like the sky, blue and glowing, and when hestarted talking, after what seemed like a lifetime of delicious fucking, I hung on his every word, filling every hole in my heart and mind, stuffing them with this delirious, dripping sugar, forgetting to hate it.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened, baby. The most beautiful boy I’ve ever been with. I love the way you smell. The way you breathe. I want to make you part of me forever, press against you until we’re one. I need your cum, baby. I need it in me. Fill me up.” He whimpered. “Make me yours. I want to be yours.”
“Oh,” I groaned. “You’re mine. All mine.”
