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“I’ll worship that pretty cunt if you’d just let me, Milla.” And I would. She doesn’t even have to let me, I’ll take it if I want to. “I’ll worshipyou.”
I grab her face gently and turn her toward me just to see tears running down it. I wipe them with my thumb. It's a little too sweet for my personality, but it’s necessary right now. The gesture reminds me of once upon a time when I was always sweet to her.
“Nik…” She turns all the way around and kisses me, barely there, yet just enough for me to feel the brush of her lips. “Why?”
“Because I want you.” I scoff like it’s an inconvenience. Well, it is. “Even if I didn’t want to. You’re engaged to someone I hate, and now I want you for myself.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying I wanted revenge, Camilla, and I’ll do everything I can to get it,” I whisper, now ashamed of it, scared she’s going to flip her shit and never talk to me again.
How annoying is that? I want to punch myself in the goddamn face so I can snap out of it. I never get scared that a woman won’t talk to me again. I could have anyone I wanted; I don’t do this. And yet I am doing exactly that. Because she’s the love of my life.
“But I wantyoumore.”
Camilla’s face pales at my words and she shakes her head. “Shut up, Nik,” she seethes at me. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
My hand wraps around her throat and I tug her into my chest. “Yes. I do.”
“You’ll get killed.”
I loosen my grip on her. “You’re worried about me.”
“Me?” She scoffs again. “Never.”
Anger boils in my veins and I flip her onto her back, opening her legs for me. “You filthy little liar,” I spit, “Admit you love me.”
“I don’t.”
Fuck, she makes me want to strangle her. I take ten deep breaths and try to relax, but my limbs won’t loosen up. My forehead meets hers gently, and I breathe her in. Honey and orange blossoms. A scent that will be the death of me.
“Liar,” I say through gritted teeth.
“I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.”
Sylvia Plath.
“Yes, you do,solnyshko,” I breathe against her lips. “And you liked my present, didn’t you?”
She nods her head and gazes at me with little tears in her eyes. I want to be the reason she smiles, not cries. Yet I want to make her cry too, from how hard I’m fucking her. I want mascara to track down her face and her blood on my skin from how hard she digs her fingernails into me.
I want her uninhibited.
Wild.
My lips crash against hers, supporting myself with my forearms on either side of her head. Her legs wrap around my waist tightly and that’s how we stay for what feels like hours.
I won’t fuck her again, though, not yet. I want to make sure she wants it, that she admits her feelings for me, or lack thereof. If she loves me, then I’ll fuck her. If not, then I’ll make her love me, then fuck her anyway.
Her eyes close after a while and I just stay between her legs and stare at her. At the way she breathes deeply in her sleep, her pouty lips slightly parted and her lashes caressing her cheeks. Exactly five freckles dust her nose, and another dusting is under her eyes and cheekbones. She’s so beautiful it hurts to watch her.
Indulging in one last look, I memorize the way her dark hair splays on her pillow like a black halo, then get up and get dressed. I leave her without a goodbye or hint of feeling and close her door quietly.
I turn around to go down the stairs when I bump into something.
Orsomeone.
“I thought I heard something,” Annie smirks.
