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His wink makes me laugh. Of course he’s giving me a tight timeframe.
“By the way…” I cup his cheek and trail my finger down his jaw. He closes his eyes, and his nostrils flare as he leans into my touch. “What doessolnyshkomean?”
“Took you long enough.” Nikolai’s eyes fly open, and a grin stretches his lips, lighting up his whole face. He leans in, our faces one breath away, and whispers against my lips. “My little sun.”
My little sun.
I can’t believe he calls me that. This time, I’m the one who closes the distance between us, kissing him like it’s the last time. Because it very well could be. I have to talk to my father, and who knows what will happen then. But for now, I pour all my feelings into this kiss, all my heart.
* * *
The thump of the bass reverberates through my body, making me vibrate. I nurse the solo cup with the vodka in my hand, but I still feel a buzz deep in my bones. Nik, on the other hand, is getting trashed.
We’re at theD’yavolohouse, and he’s seemingly very comfortable here. He usually doesn’t let go this way, to the point of losing control. But here he is, doing exactly that, and I can’t say I hate it. He looks… peaceful in a way. As if all his worries have melted away and a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
Is he acting this way because his friend died? Or is it something else? I intend to find out what has him so wound up that he turned to alcohol to make himself feel better. It’s so unlike him that I kind of want to shake him even though simultaneously, I want to have fun with him.
“Why are you looking at me like that, princess?”
“Are you okay?” I try to yell over the music, not knowing if he can even hear me.
“No.”
I figured as much, but his vocalizing it makes a pang of pain go through me. I want to help him, be there for him. But he won’t let me, he never does. “You’re too drunk!”
“Is that a question?” He laughs, and I get shivers down my spine. “Of course I am.”
Grabbing his hand, I pull him toward the stairs. He plants his feet and keeps me from dragging him behind me. “Let’s. Go. Nik.”
“I’m not done down here.” He replies, taking another long swig of his drink and putting the empty cup on the table to his right. Then he picks up the next drink and downs it, grimacing as he faces me again. “I need to feel better.”
“I’ll make you feel better, baby,” I promise him. “Just… let’s go to your room,yeah?”
He nods slowly and smiles, seemingly content with the alcohol ruining his body. “Fine.”
I pull him toward the stairs again, and this time, he follows me willingly. He staggers and trips over the steps and it takes everything in me to keep him upright. He’s much bigger than me, much heavier. Fuck, he’s heavy.
“What is your problem?” I ask him as I shut the door behind us as we enter his room. “What happened? Why are you getting drunk?”
“Just this morning, I admitted to killing your brother, Camilla. Is that not enough to have someone all messed up?”
“This isn’t news to me, Nik.” I sigh, sitting on the bed. He sits next to me, dipping the mattress in the process. “Why are you all messed up over it? You now know I knew.”
“Because, Camilla. I… really like you. I still can’t help but feel guilty for pulling that trigger. I can still see his face when I shot him. Ithauntsme.”
“Don’t say that, Nik. Don’t talk about him.”
“I have to, Milla.” He sniffles. When I look at him, tears are running down his face. “Tell me a secret about him. Confide in me. Tell me what nightmares don’t let you escape the pain.”
“Lie down, Nik.” I sigh, “You need to sleep this off.”
Surprisingly, he crawls into bed, but just as he does, he pulls me by the arm and takes me with him until we’re facing each other on his pillow. His face is cast in shadows with only a bedside lamp turned on. Yet it’s not dark enough for me to miss the way he’s breaking into a million pieces right before my eyes. I don’t think I’m ready for this conversation.
“Tell me, Camilla.” He says again.
“I’m better at sucking dick than sharing my feelings, Nik. So gag me for all I care, but leave this one be.” I try to make light of the situation, but he just scowls at me.
“Fuck that, we need to talk about this.Ineed to talk about this.”
