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“What do you want to know, Nik? That he was dropped off on my porch? That I found him in a pool of blood lying on his side?” I take a deep breath.
“Oh, God,” he cries, beginning to sob.
“That he had a hole in his back bigger than both my fists? That I gave him CPR?”
“You can stop now.”
No.
He wanted this.
“That he begged me to help him as he took his last breath?”
“Stop, Camilla.” His voice cracks on my name.
“That he told me he loved me, and I didn’t say it back before he died?”
His sobs are loud and broken, and his body is shaking the bed so hard I’m afraid it’s like he’s having a seizure. I snap out of it though, gasping at my cruelty. Maybe I took this too far, maybe I’m tormenting him more. He didn’t do this. He’s not at fault.
Leo is.
I can’t believe I just talked to him that way, and now the guilt will eat him alive even more. If Andrea’s face haunts him, surely this information will make it that much worse.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. “God, I’m sorry! It’s not your fault, Nik. But damn it, I don’t want to talk about him. He was my favorite person, and I want him back more than anything. No one will ever understand how much it broke me when he died.”
“I do,” he tells me quietly, his voice soft and unsure. “I understand because… well… I do.”
“What do you mean?” My brows furrow in confusion, and now I want to know what he’s referring to. I won’t let him sleep this off until I know. “Tell me your secret. I gave you mine.”
“I hate him,” he begins with a shuddering breath. “I hate my dad.”
“You’ve said that before,” I urge him on. “But why?”
“He took her from me.”
“Who?”
“My mom.” Suddenly he’s so small on the bed as I gaze into his stormy gray eyes. His tears make them seem even darker, almost black. If you didn’t know the color, the trick of the light would make you think they are. My stomach drops at his admission, and I wince. “He killed her.”
I gasp, not knowing how to answer. But he doesn’t wait, he just keeps talking.
“She was the best, you know.” He smiles sadly. “She used to sing to me all the time, it was her favorite thing to do. Not lullabies. She was Russian and didn’t know English lullabies. But she sang Anastasia in Russian so often that it became my favorite song.”
That makes me smile a little, but I stop myself when I realize he’s not smiling. I thought it was a happy memory, but it only makes him bitter.
“She didn’t love him, though. She was forced to marry him and became rebellious. My mother had a strong personality and disliked being told what to do. One day she cheated on my dad and got caught with one of his men.”
Oh, no. “Fuck,” I whisper, because that’s what I imagine when I think of being shackled to Leo for the rest of my miserable life.
“I was ten when he killed her.” Oh my God. That’s so young. It’s no wonder he doesn’t trust anyone. It’s no wonder he’s so… hard and cold. Why didn’t he trust me enough to tell me this back then? I thought we told each other everything. “And I’ve fucking hated him since then. He took her from me. So yes, Camilla. I know what it feels like to lose someone. Yourfavoriteperson in the entire world.”
Tears stream down my face now, mirroring his. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t pity me, Camilla.”
“I’m not… I know how bad it hurts.” I tell him honestly. “I’m sorry you had to go through it just like me.”
Nik gives me a sad smile, one that controls my heartstrings. I get closer to him until our noses are touching, our tears mingling with each other’s.
