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I pulled at the frayed hem of my shorts. “Nothing. Everything.”
“Just like my song, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t know you played the guitar?”
“I didn’t. It’s a recent thing. Troy is a great teacher.” He smiled and the knot in my stomach tugged sharply. “Pen, listen, I’m sorry if the song was too much. I wrote that a long time ago when things were, well, when things were confusing. I didn’t plan to sing it tonight, but I saw you, and it just came out.”
I averted my gaze, giving myself a chance to catch my breath. Blake seemed to have no problem talking about us when all I wanted to do was talk about anything but us.
When I didn’t look back up, he whispered, “I never forgot about you, Penny. Not for a second.”
This was getting us nowhere.
Being around Blake made me feel like I was drowning, and if I couldn’t breathe, how was I supposed to articulate all of the feelings tangled up inside me?
“I’m not sure I’m ready to do this.” I lifted my head slowly to meet his eyes and replied honestly.
“Do what?” he said. “I’m not asking anything of you. But I can’t keep pretending like it’s nothing that we’re both here.”
What does that even mean?I wanted to yell at him, but my voice failed me.
Instead, I said, “And I can’t keep reliving the past, Blake. It was a long time ago. I’ve made my peace with what happened.”
Liar. I hadn’t made my peace; I just didn’t want to keep dredging it back up. His eyes narrowed, and I knew my words weren’t convincing.
“I should have come back for you, Penny. I’m sorry.” He dragged a hand back and forth over his jaw as if the words were difficult to say. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Hugging myself tightly, I bowed my head again. Blake was making me anxious, forcing me to acknowledge things I didn’t want to.
“We have to stop going around in circles,” I said, trying to disguise the pain I felt. “What’s done is done, and it’s in the past. Nothing we say or do now can change that. We’re not the same people we were back then. Look at you; you’re a guitar-playing camp counselor with a sociology degree. For all I know, you have a wife and two kids back in Columbus.”
Blake laughed, but the strain in his voice did little to appease the nerves swimming in my stomach. When I met his intense gaze again, he smiled sadly and said, “And who are you, Penny Wilson?
“That’s exactly what this summer is supposed to be about. Finding myself.” I gave him a self-deprecating smile. I’d never felt less than Blake until now. “Kind of sad, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think it’s sad at all,” he said. “Sometimes, we find ourselves in the strangest of places.”
And just like that, the suffocating tension started to ebb away.
Blake and I spent the next hour talking about safer topics. Troy and Tina, his college days, my job at Vrai Beauté. I left out details of my less-than-homely living situation, and Blake skirted over his relationship with his aunt and uncle.
I got the sense there was far more to that story than he was willing to share, which was okay. There were things I didn’t want to reveal yet, either.
Time passed, and so did some of my earlier apprehensions. Now that we’d cleared the air, talking to Blake was surprisingly effortless, and we soon fell back into the ease of childhood conversation. We gossiped about our fellow counselors and shared stories about the funnier side of camp, like my near miss with the canoe last week.
“You’re a natural with the girls,” he said. “Not that I’m surprised. You always had endless patience with me and the other kids at the Freemans’.”
“I love it out here. I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle it, but I feel like everything is finally falling into place. Does that sound silly?”
Blake stared at me, his expression softening. “It doesn’t sound silly at all. “Penny, listen, I—”
A knock sounded on the door, startling me.
“Is it safe to enter?” Marissa called and I got up, rolling my eyes.
“Hi,” I said, opening the door.
“Hi.” She peeked over my shoulder, a knowing grin spreading over her face. “Well, this looks cozy.”
