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HADLEY
Hot, wet tears roll down my cheeks as I step into my bathroom, wearing a ratty old band t-shirt and sleep shorts. Didn’t want to ruin any of my nice clothes.
Maybe the girls can donate them.
I step into the tub and sit down.
Connor has moved on. Andy tried to kill me. Kat and Ryan were right.
A sob wracks through my chest. I’m just…done. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this person. I’m done.
Unable to catch my breath, I send the text I prepared to my group chat, then turn my phone off. Avenged Sevenfold’s “I Won’t See You Tonight” blares on repeat through my Bluetooth speaker. I take the razor in my hand and, with trembling fingers, press the blade into the delicate skin of my wrist, cutting several inches down my forearm before repeating the process on the other side.
The pain feels good, relieving the inner turmoil I’ve been dealing with for weeks. Blood pools around me as I lie on thewhite porcelain. Silence slowly engulfs me, the music fading to a quiet hum before the darkness pulls me under.
Finally, I’ll have peace. He can’t keep me locked away. Can’t hurt me anymore.
Through the darkness, there’s a flurry of voices surrounding me.
No, I want the quiet back.
They keep calling my name, yelling at me to come back.
No, I don’t want to. I will not be his doormat anymore. I will not go through this pain every day. Not anymore.
“Hadley, baby, wake up! Come back to us!”
I recognize that voice. Kat? She’s supposed to be at work. Why is she here?
“God damn it, Hadley, don’t fucking do this.” This time, it’s Ryan’s sobs that filter through the haze.
Oh, God. What have I done?
I barely recognize the bright fluorescent lights flickering into view as they race by above me. How am I moving so quickly when my legs are still? Why is it so loud here?
“We’re going to need A positive NOW!” I hear someone yell in the distance.
The darkness takes hold of me before another thought can cross my mind.
“Hadley Veronica James, I swear to God. If you don’t wake up, I will never forgive you.” Ryan’s voice cuts through the fog.
“Ryan, shut up. Let her wake up before you yell at her,” Kat whispers.
“Fuck that. I can’t yell at her when she wakes up, Pickle,” Ryan groans.
I feel someone grab my hand and squeeze.
“Come back to us, baby. We’ll kill each other without you.” It’s barely a whisper, but I hear the pain in Kat’s voice.
I feel her lean down close to my ear before she starts singing in a quiet murmur just barely loud enough for me to hear.
“Hakuna matata! It means no worries. A problem-free philosophy…” She pauses, her voice shaky. “Or something like that. Hakuna matata. Come back to us, baby.”
There’s a soft hum emanating throughout the room, and I hear a clicking sound before I lose myself to the haze of darkness once more.
My eyes flutter open. I know I’m in a hospital, but how long have I been here? Why can’t I feel my legs?
I jerk up, but I don’t make it far.
