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There is so much that I’ve missed out on, so much that I’ve had to go without. I want to make sure these kids always have me to turn to when all else fails. If nothing else, they can have me.
I won’t fucking bend.
I’m kind of lucky that my sister is so particular about who watches her kids. She could easily find a sitter, but she only trusts me to do it. I know this means a lot, and I won’t give her a reason to keep them away from me.
“Uncle Jude!” Julia squeals as she jumps into my arms. I hold her to me with my free hand and squeeze her, spinning in a circle. Her smile nearly splits her face in two, her two front teeth crookedly poking out of her gums.
Fuck, they grow up so damn fast.
“I have a loose tooth,” she says when I put her down. She wiggles her bottom tooth, and I gasp loudly, making Charlie nearly squeal in delight.
“That looks like it’s about to fall out!” I say.
“It will! Soon.”
She beams, just as my sister appears out of the bedroom, a frown pulling her painted red lips down. She looks so much like me. Freckled cheeks, red hair, pale skin. But the one place we differ is how much we smile. I rarely see one pull her lips up. She’s usually sporting a disapproving glower.
No wonder her husband is gone all the time. I would be too.
Jordan leaps at me next, tugging on my leg, begging me to play a game with him.
“You’re late,” Hayden says with a huff.
I stare at her and force a smile on my face. Well, if she won’t smile, I will. I widen it so far that my lips start to crack. “Yeah, I know, but it was a last-minute request.”
I’m doing the best I can, trying to stand up for myself, but I’m not that great at it. After years of being bowled over by her, I can’t quite seem to find my strength in all the madness. But I do try. I fucking work like hell to keep at it.
The scathing look she gives me has me cowering internally, but I don’t let it show. Instead, I press a kiss to Charlie’s head and grin when he beams up at me.
“Where’s Brian tonight?” I ask.
She shrugs. “Off on another overseas trip for work. He’ll be home next week, sometime.”
I don’t respond to that. Not that I blame him, like I said. I’d also be gone as much as possible if I was married to my sister. But he does love her, I think. I mean, they’ve been married for fifteen years, so something has to be working. But I don’t know how he leaves the kids though. They are growing up without a dad.
“Ollie requests some brownies or dessert,” I say, and my sister’s lips twitch.
“Yeah. I made some coffee cake. It’s in the kitchen. You can take the rest to your roommates when you leave.”
See, this is what I mean. She’s the worst, but not. I know she made the cake for me, a thank-you of sorts. It twists me all up and makes me unsure of what the hell I’m supposed to do when it comes to her. So I just roll with it, bury my feelings, and try to remember that she loves me in her own way.
“Thanks. Ollie will be happy.”
“Well, I need to go, but call me if you need anything. But try not to call unless it’s an emergency.”
I restrain an eye roll and sigh in relief once she’s gone.
“Well, now that your mom is gone, we can go wild,” I exclaim as I set the baby down on the floor. His hands capture a small toy and he coos as Julia and Jordan scramble over to me, each trying to sit on my lap. I laugh and fall to my back, lifting them each into the air one by one. They’re getting heavier though. Jordan is eight and Julia is six so my muscles strain from the weight of them.
“Can we watch a movie?” Jordan asks, and I shake my head. I don’t want to just sit and do nothing all day. I want to get out. I want to fucking burn this need off.
“Let’s watch one later. How about we go to the park?”
They scramble to their feet, and then Julia squeals, “I love the park. I’m going on the swings right away!”
“I love the swings,” I say with a laugh.
Julia bobs her head. “And when we get home, can I paint your nails and practice my makeup?” Her voice lowers to conspiratorial. “I know where Mommy keeps her eyeshadow.”
