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My eyes slide down to his crotch again, and when my gaze flicks back up to his eyes, I see an eyebrow quirk.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
He turns to leave and my mouth blurts, “Will you be doing more work on the house?”
He glances over his shoulder. “Probably.”
The light glances off his face and something hits me. Something familiar.
Fuck, what is that? Why did I get that sensation again? What the hell am I missing?
But it’s gone a moment later when he steps outside, and I’m once more focusing on his dick.
I drop onto the couch just as Ollie appears, something yellow smeared across his cheek and nose.
“What the hell is that?” I ask, flicking at it.
He rubs his face and stares down at his fingers.
“Oh, must be some pollen. I was sniffing the flowers.” I stare at him, and he smiles widely. “Gotta smell the flowers, Jude. Life is short, man.”
I lean my head back and sigh. Yeah, life is really short. So fucking short when you’re off-kilter.
Suddenly, my phone rings, and I stare down at it.
“Fuck.”
“Who is it?” Ollie asks, sliding down next to me and rubbing his face on my shirt. Yellow pollen smears onto it, and I shove him away.
“What the hell, man! Don’t get your flower shit on me. And it’s my sister.”
He grins at me and then pokes at my chest with his foot.
“You gonna go over there and deal with her miserable ass?”
“Yeah, probably. And then I’ll forget about it tonight when I get my chi back.”
“I do love a good chai tea.”
I smirk at the mistake but don’t bother correcting him. I make it often enough myself. I even asked the barista for a Thai chi the other day. I wondered why he was doing odd movements while making my drink.
“Yeah…get the hell off me. I need to go look less like a slob with yellow shit on me.”
“But I like slobby you,” Ollie says and then adds, “Oh, and bring me back something delicious too. Your sister is a bitch, but she makes the best desserts.”
That’s true, and as much as I despise having to go over and help her, I realize that despite our differences, she’s all I have. And I adore my niece and nephews. It’s not their fault she’s their mother. And I do love my sister in my own way. And I think she loves me too.
It’s just that we were never taught how to do this, how to love. We never learned, so we’re both just fumbling along like children, trying to make the best of our situations.
“Fuck, I have to go. She needs me right now.”
Ollie watches as I jog off to my room, and I grab my wallet and keys and then a sweatshirt.
I shove it on over my head and sigh, staring at myself in the mirror, not really even recognizing myself and not particularly liking what I see. Not that it’s anything new. I might act like I have my shit together, but I really don’t. I’m so damn confused most of the time.
I shake those feelings off and make my way out of the house. Yeah, this is just what I need. A little something to take my mind off of what I so desperately want but shouldn’t.
When I make it to my sister’s house, I already feel drained. Just the thought of having to talk to her makes my heart race. But as soon as I see my niece and two nephews, my spirits lighten. Jordan and Julia race up to me as I pick baby Charlie up from his playpen and place him in my arms. As much as I dislike my sister, I live for her kids. They’re my entire life.
