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“Just feeling the groove. Trying to call out for a potential mate.”
I let out a laugh, not sure if he’s joking or being serious. I’m never sure with him.
“I think it’s working,” I say. “You’ve got people looking.”
Ollie beams and starts to move around me, his arms flapping like those inflatable men at used-car dealerships.
My eyes land on Alec mid-laugh, and I watch as he fumbles a bit with his instrument before glancing away and continuing on. I’m happy that he’s just as affected as me. Well, probably not as much as me because for the rest of their set, I can’t turn my gaze away. Eventually, Izzy brings me another drink like the angel she is, and I gulp that one down too. The alcohol sitting on an empty stomach gives me a small buzz and as soon as Alec sets his sax on the stand and hops off stage, I move toward him.
I don’t make it far before he’s surrounded, and I’m waylaid by fans who are all up in his business. I suddenly feel small. Small and insignificant.
Alec is super popular and I’m…I’m just a creepy fan with a hard dick.
I swallow and step back, watching as Killian squeezes in next to him and wraps an arm around his shoulder, beaming up at him. Alec glances down at him just as Killian leans up and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
I can’t watch this, I think as I move toward the bar, feeling suddenly defeated. My dick doesn’t, however, and still aches in my pants. I need another drink to get through this night.
I push my way up to the bar and meet the bartender’s eyes as I order another drink. Probably not the wisest thing, but it is gonna be a thing nonetheless.
“You okay there, boss?” the bartender asks as he hands me my glass. He has pretty eyes—golden with a hint of silver lining the rims. Kind of beautiful actually.
“No,” I say and then toss back the drink, coughing right after. Some spurts out of my mouth and dribbles down my chin, but I just swipe it away. I’ve hit a low point. Hard dick, dribbling mouth, watery eyes.
Sad loser.
No wonder Alec is over there letting Killian stick his lips on him.
But then again, this whole thing is just a hobby. So it shouldn’t matter. But I’m committed. I put a lot of time into it. My heart.
I committed to doing this and now I’m so far into it that it would be a waste to stop. Right?
Right.
“Got a few more customers, but I’ll come back and you can let it all out. I’m a great listener.” He winks at me, and I sigh, slumping against the counter, hoping bartender man can become my therapist now.
I could pay him in flirtatious gestures. Or maybe I could blow him too.
I sigh and scrub a hand down my face. I don’t want to blow anyone but Alec. It sucks being so committed to your hobbies.
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Alec whispering something to Killian, his hand on his shoulder, his lips at his ear. I bet his other hand is on his dick, getting him off right in the middle ofthe crowd. I shouldn’t have come to this show. It was a terrible mistake.
Now that I’ve seen him blow that saxophone all I can think about is that mouth.
The mouth that’s been on me, those lips that I’ve kissed.
“What’s up, man,” the bartender says as he slides me another drink across the bar top. “Spill.”
I sigh and stare at his hands. He has nice fingers—probably gets manicures. I look at my broken cuticles and wonder if maybe I should get my nails done. Maybe Killian does this. Maybe Alec hates my hands. Maybe if they were softer, he’d be over here with me instead of that guy.
That guy probably exfoliates. Probably waxes his butt.
“I have these hobbies,” I begin and then sigh, deciding to lay it all out there. “I suck dick for fun.”
His eyebrows rise and his lips tilt up at the corners. “That so?”
“Yeah. I’m not like, gay or anything. It’s just a hobby I do to soothe myself, to find my inner chi, but now the guy I’m doing it with isn’t interested anymore.” I hold up my hands. “You think my hands are too rough?”
He reaches out and slides his palms against mine. “Feels good to me.”
