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Alec is still standing next to me, his jaw clenching.
“Not that fucking guy,” Jai mutters when I ask him to come and bring me home. I give him broken, unintelligible directions, but I know he’ll find me. He always does.
As soon as I hang up, Alec steps toward me.
“Don’t go home with Jai. He wants you. And it’s fucking wrong, Jude. You should stay with me, let me take you home.”
“Yeah? Well, at least his motives are pure. At least he never made me a game.”
Alec freezes, and I feel my stomach start to roil. I shouldn’t have eaten all that lasagna. Fuck, I feel like I’m gonna hurl.
I wheeze and then say, “I know I deserve it. I deserve all of it. I know that, but it still hurts, you know?”
“I know. Let me make it better. Let me make you feel better,” he says, looking desperate, and then his eyes widen. “I’ll fuck you. I’ll totally fuck you.”
I scoff and shake my head, feeling my eyes start to leak.
“I don’t want that. Not anymore. Not with you,” I say and then turn my back on him, so he doesn’t have to see me cry.
I want to go back in time and never look at that album.
I want to go back to when I was happier.
To when we could have had a chance.
When Jai finally arrives a few minutes later, Alec looks utterly shattered.
“Please,” he says softly, stepping up to me, but I just shake my head once more. It’s all I can do. I can’t use words. I can’t. I need time. I know I deserve this, but it hurts too much.
I ache all over.
Jai hurries out of the car and bundles me up in his arms, leading me to the passenger side with words of reassurance, but it does nothing. I’m numb, broken. I’m just a shell of who I was moments ago.
And when Jai pulls away from the curb, I glance back and see Alec still standing there, his head hanging, his hands clasping the back of his neck. He looks just as broken as I feel.
But I deserve it. I deserve all the bad things.
I should have known this would happen. I should haveknown.
Jai is quiet as he drives me home, not asking what happened, not prying. He just lets me stare off into the distance, wallowing in my misery. When I get inside my place, he walks me to my room, and I know it’s selfish of me, know I shouldn’t, but I ask him to stay and hold me.
And he does. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him.
But it’s not Alec. It’s not the same.
It only adds to the pain building in my chest.
How can we ever come back from this? How can we ever move past what we’ve done?
And I realize in this moment that we can’t.
It’s over.
Alec and I are done.
“It’s not over. I know that. It can’t be, right?”
Jai runs a hand through his hair, watching me. He looks exhausted, his eyes drawn downward as I lounge next to him on my bed.
