AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My lungs burn as I fight for breath. My vision blurs.
Why the fuck did I think this was a good idea?
Pressing the heels of my palms to my eyes, a sob escapes me.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend I’m not in pain, both physical and emotional.
“Nat?” His voice in my mind is so clear it breaks through the sounds of my ragged heartbeat throbbing in my ears.
“Nat?” his voice says again. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Luke places his hand on my back, rubbing comforting circles like he did the last time we were here together.
Luke!
I look up, shocked to see he’s here. He’s standing in front of me. This is not a figment of my depressing imagination.
He’s here!
But why?
“You’re… You’re here,” I say, which is ridiculous. I swipe the tears from my eyes and cheeks so I can see him clearer.
The sudden movement jars my shoulder and I wince.
He helps me to my feet. I want to go to him. I want to throw myself into his arms, kiss him senseless and delete the past week from my memory, but I stop myself and take a step back.
He broke up with me, he’s the reason I’m here punishing myself for falling in love in the first place.
As we stand facing one another, I take him in. He looks as terrible as I feel. Dark shadows ring his eyes as though he’s not slept, his hair is messy and his beard is longer than usual.
“Are you okay?” he asks glancing from my tear-stained cheeks to my shoulder.
“Why did you come here?” I ask.
He doesn’t even hesitate. “Because I fucked up, Nat. When I came to the club, the last thing I wanted to do was fall for a footballer after what happened to Mam. But then you burst into my life and shook things up in a way I didn’t know I needed. You were feisty and sarcastic and passionate and I fell in love with you in no time at all. I’ve never had a long-term relationship. I’ve never met anyone I’ve wanted to commit to beyond a few dates because I was scared to let myself love and then lose like I did her. I was there the day she died. I watched along with the fans, and the world dropped out from beneath me. I know it’s not an excuse, but it explains why I freaked out…”
Although my breathing has returned to normal, tears stream down my cheeks as I digest this information.
“When I saw you get hurt in the exact same place, it triggered my trauma, and I didn’t know how to handle it. Ishould have stayed and talked it through with you and not a minute goes by that I don’t hate myself for leaving you that night. If I could go back and change it, I would in an instant. Nat, life without you is like living without the sun, it’s dark and cold and I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want to just exist. I want to be with you, it’s where I belong.”
A mix of emotions swirls through me. I want to protect him, I want to throttle him, I want to let him back in. He watches me carefully assessing my reaction to his words.
Finally, after a few silent beats, I step closer to him, finding his embrace and winding my arms around his neck. My shoulder twinges again but I push through because feeling him press up against me and hold me tight is worth the pain.
“Promise me, you won’t hold anything back from me again. I want to be the person you come to no matter what.”
“I promise.” He buries his face in my neck as the tension I’ve been carrying dissolves, my fingers finding his soft hair at the nape of his neck.
“I love you, Luke,” I tell him for the first time.
He pulls back and his eyes meet mine. There’s relief there and a spark of something else too.
“Fuck, I’m so relieved to hear you say that.” I laugh softly as he cups my face but it trails off when his expression turns from elated to serious. “Bridget has recommended a therapist the club uses. I’ve got my first session next week. I’m hoping it’ll make things easier to talk about. I want to manage my grief, I’m tired of running from it.”
“I’m so proud of you.” I wish I had more words to express that, but right now, seeing him so vulnerable and nervous, I can’t think of anything that would do this feeling justice.
I lean up on my tiptoes, and we come together. We’re grinning like idiots as we kiss. It’s sloppy and messy but we don’t care. All we focus on is each other.
“Do you think therapy is something we can do together? I mean, I understand if you want to go alone. But…” I trail off.
