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I push away from the counter to create some space between me and the guys. "Maybe. All I know is that I feel really fucking good whenever I'm with him, and that…that I really, really,reallydon't want him to go back to the States."
"Because you love him?" Fitz suggests, not relenting but at least lessening his inquisitional tone by a few notches.
My shoulders sag. These guys are my safe space, and I just don't have it in me to deny the truth anymore.
"Yes. Because I love him."
Linus takes a sip of tea. "What are you going to do?"
I shrug. "What can I do? We head off to Sydney tomorrow for a meeting down there. He said he'll come back here for a few days so we can hang out, and then he'll go back home and I'll never…"
See him again?
Feel this way about anyone again?
Get over him?
All of the above?
Take your pick in the world's shittiest multiple-choice questionnaire.
Silence fills the room.
"Wait," Fitz says. "You said your meeting in Sydney was next week."
"It is."
"So why are you going down tomorrow?"
Because Col hates flying, and since I feel like such an arse for making him take three unnecessary domestic flights while he chased me around the country, I suggested we drive instead. But I can't say that to the guys, so I tell them the other reason for our multi-day road trip and hope it distracts them enough not to ask any follow-up questions.
"There's an author he loves doing a book signing in Brissie. Thought we'd make a road trip out of it."
Fitz and Linus exchange a look, but neither one says anything.
"The thing about life is," Linus says, eventually breaking the silence. "Is that you can go along with things, which is fine and well when things are going the way you want them to. But if things are coming at you that you don't like or don't want, you have the option of doing something about it."
"Your point?"
"My point is quite simple. If you love Col and you want to be with him, find a way to make it happen."
Linus's words stay with me all day, through the endless appointments I take.
They're with me on the flight back home, with the sun setting on the horizon, casting a magical burnt orange glow across the dry land.
They're still rattling around in my head all through dinner, with the kids talking about school and Emma glaring andoccasionally grunting—which is progress, she's making sounds now!—at Col across the table.
By the time I escort him to his room—because, yes, Kolby is still sneaking in during the night to sleep with me, which means Col and I have to sleep apart—I can't hold it in any longer.
"Hypothetical question," I whisper since the kids are already asleep in their rooms.
He rests his forearms on my shoulders and smiles. "Go ahead," he says, keeping his voice low as well.
I take a breath. "Could you ever see yourself living in Australia?"
His eyes zero in on me. Fuck. Was that stupid of me? I mean, it was about as subtle as Gran's been with all her suggestive comments and funny looks. It's clear what I'm asking, and it's equally obvious there's nothing hypothetical about it.
"Possibly."
