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“Really?” What was I supposed to say? He told me he didn’t date but made it clear we were giving it a shot. I didn’t date, either. Hell, I didn’t date before I met Richard. My experience with men began and ended with Richard.
“No, never even seen him take a woman out to dinner until you. Gives me hope he can keep things stable for Celia. I don’t think he should be dating at all, it’s too soon, but at least he quit being so loose. I was so worried that Celia would have to see him bring in woman after woman and think men are supposed to treat women the way he did. At least he’s doing right by his daughter, setting a decent example if he insists on having a woman in his life.” Lily folded her hands in her lap. I couldn’t tell if she was talking down to me or telling me to run away. I hated thinking of him going around fucking other women, but it was the reality. It wasn’t like I could seriously consider sleeping with him anyway. I had gotten caught up when we were on our date, but the truth was I couldn’t let myself be intimate without a massive panic attack later. No matter how badly I wanted to feel him against me, inside me, I couldn’t.
“He’s a great dad. I love that the girls are getting close.” It was the best answer I could come up with. Lily had knocked my confidence down a notch, or ten.Surely, she was saying I was different, right? Was I? Questions flooded me, threatening to drown me entirely. I wanted to know what was happening between us, especially after my chat with Lily. One date meant nothing in the scheme of things, but the way Griffin followed me around made me hope for something.
Once it started getting dark we parted ways, promising to see Celia in a few days, and the girls gave out hugs before we left. Axel went to bed easily after a thirty-minute bath that included an epic battle between ponies and rubber ducks. I curled up on the couch, flipping through reality shows, sipping wine.
Cori: I know you’re busy, but I just met your mom.
Griffin: Well, shit.
Cori: She was pleasant and the girls got to play. How sick is she?
Griffin: Double mastectomy sick, but in remission.
Cori: I’m glad I met her. Get back to work before the boss gets on your ass. See ya Sunday.
I tossed the phone to the side, lying back on the couch, finishing off my glass. Something about sleeping on the couch, or the wine, or the idea of having sex again made my dreams nothing less than nightmares. The strung-out look in the dealer’s eyes as he pinned me, knife to my neck, forcing himself in and out was the worst part. I woke up panting, clutching my neck, and sweat trickled down my temple.Shit.No matter how badly I wanted to be normal, to be intimate, it wasn’t going to happen. Not without a very scary breakdown after or during. Then Griffin would be practically scrambling to get the hell out of my bed. The fact that they never found the men who attacked me certainly didn’t help my panic attacks.
* * *
Sunday morning wasthe same energy it always was on zoo days. Ax was running around like a wild animal as usual, but I was nervous as hell. “Can I wear a Jack Daniels shirt to the zoo?” Harriet giggled on the other end of the line. We had an hour before we left and I was just starting to get ready. I never gave a shit how I looked, never tried to impress anyone, but Griffin made me slightly crazy. The talk with his mom made it even worse. “Oh, I have my Ramones shirt clean too.” I looked at my tattered cuffed jeans and black Chuck Taylors.
“You never act like this.” Harriet had a point, and I could hear her tone even through speaker phone. “Just put on a shirt, Cori. Griff doesn’t care what you wear.”
“Fine, some friend you are. I’ll call you later.” We hung up as Axel raced in the room, promptly laughing at my state of undress. She looked like an ad for punk kids’ clothes. Black tulle skirt, red tank top with skulls, black bandana in her hair, and red high tops. I tossed her on my bed, tying her shoes, and decided on a Darth Vader tank top. After I twisted my hair into a bun, Axel handed me a black ribbon to tie around it then we went to pack lunches.
“Celia will love Max and Ben. They are my favorite cousins.” Ax dragged her step stool over to the counter and climbed up to help me make sandwiches. Max and Ben were her only cousins, but the thought was sweet. I bagged the grapes, popping one into my mouth. “Aunt Ari will like her too.” I hoped Aunt Ari liked Griffin, but I knew she wouldn’t. My big sister would be a total uppity bitch about him. Arianna would wear a cardigan with sensible shoes. She’d have her blonde curls in a Barbie-high pony tail and would scrunch her nose when she saw him. Oh, well. I would get to watch him be super uncomfortable around her. At least our little sister was a badass, not a prude. I missed her so damn much.
Cori: Oh, forgot to tell you… boyfriend thing is coming with his daughter today.
Arianna: Forgot? So much for sister time. Since when do you date? Why would you even consider dating?
Cori: I invited them last minute.
Arianna: Whatever, Cori. You never consider other’s feelings when you act. I should be used to you and Meredith treating everyone as a second thought. Why are you even dating when you should be focused on Axel? Mom said you were hungover when you picked her up after your birthday. I thought you had finally decided to act like an adult.
Leave it to Ari to put a damper on my mood for the zoo and make me feel like the world’s worst parent. I knew damn well Mom would never have said I was hungover. Nothing was ever good enough, no one was nearly as perfect as Arianna. I pushed her shitty accusation out of my mind and went on getting our food packed. I was pissed as hell. Had I told her earlier, she would have talked me out of them tagging along, but then again, I was damned either way. Meredith wasn’t even there to defend herself against Ari’s harshness, but I wasn’t going down that road again. I spent way too much time defending our little sister for her horrible actions, and it never ended well for me.
“Okay, Munchkin.” I zipped the backpack. “Lunch, water, sunblock, ice cream money. Do we need anything else?” Axel tapped her chin in deep contemplation before shaking her head. I tossed the pack over my shoulder, grabbed Axel’s hand, and headed to the car.
The Jeep swung in next to Griffin’s and he got out, opening the door for Celia. She was dressed in pink shorts, a pink unicorn shirt, with matching pink shoes, but her nails were black. The visual of him painting her teeny nails came to mind and I smiled. I loved how he became a different person for his daughter. Then I looked him over. Holy hell. His gray Henley looked like it may burst around his biceps and the dark-wash jeans were a perfect fit. His wardrobe lacked variety, but I was certainly not complaining. He snatched the bag from my front seat, tossed it on his back, then took Celia’s hand. Griffin gave me a quick wink before we started toward the entrance.
“Aunt Ari!” Once we made it to the sidewalk, Axel tore away from me to charge my sister. I nailed Arianna’s outfit down to the high pony tail. She had on floral printed shorts, a pink top, and white sneakers with her hair pulled up. Her boys looked about the same. They all looked like they just stepped out of the yacht club or a J. Crew catalogue. Griffin gave me the best look before we went on to meet my sister. I had warned him.
“What in the world are you wearing?” Ari picked at Axel’s shirt immediately.
“It’s my favorite.”Boom, sis, schooled by a pre-schooler. Arianna liked to act as if I forced my style on Axel, but in reality, she picked most of my clothes. It was going to be a fun day, but hey, Griffin had asked for it. Ari shrugged. I exchanged fist bumps with my nephews, who eyed Griffin like he might eat them. Ben was eight, your typical “bro” with colored shorts and a popped collar. Max was eleven and a little more casual, almost nerdy. His Superman t-shirt earned him an extra fist bump. My nephew cautiously approached Griffin.
“Max.” He stuck his hand out like a true gentleman and Griffin shook his hand.
Ari looked like she might die. “Griffin? Griffin Steele?”
“Arianna Wallace is your sister?” Griffin grimaced at me, and I nodded slowly. Ari crossed her arms over her chest. “Good to see you again.” Ari made some noise between a huff and a groan.Oh, this is going to be fun.
We strolled into the zoo with Max and Griffin talking about comics and tattoos. “Oh, man! That is sick.”
Ari huffed when Griffin tossed a hand over Max’s shoulders, talking like they were best friends. It was priceless. We wandered aimlessly, letting Celia lead the way mostly since she had never been. She talked more than I had ever heard. The quiet little girl came out of her shell and asked me to read every sign to her. She begged for a picture of her and Ax together at every animal. Griffin lumbered along behind us, hands in his pockets, taking in the scene like he was having a good time. I hoped he was since his daughter was. When the girls stopped to squeal over some meerkats, I made my way back to him, sliding my arm around his waist, making sure to drag my fingers over the muscles in his back.
