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He shakes his head. ‘Of course there’s an us.’
‘You didn’t make it sound that way in Sydney.’
‘Because I …’ He looks over her shoulder, shuffling on his feet. ‘My sisters drove here to tell me you deserve my honesty and an apology, and that you deserve to make your own decision about whether you want to be with me still. They’re right. I knew that before they came but I’ve been …’
He trails off, swallowing harshly. His gaze flits over her face, moving from her eyes, her lips, nose, chin, ear, along the length of her hair draped over a shoulder. It’d make her heart race if it wasn’t already speeding because of his words. Be with him still?
‘You’ve been what,’ she prompts, her own breath quickening.
His eyes meet hers and Jules’s breath catches. ‘Scared. I’ve been running scared.’
The bare emotion in his wide eyes sends her heartbeat into adrenaline-fueled overdrive.
‘But I don’t want to do that anymore,’ he says. ‘You need to have all the facts, the honest truth about what I’ve been thinking. You were honest with me, and we promised we’d be with each other, right?’
Jules nods.
He takes a deep breath. Tension lines radiate from his eyes. She doesn’t want him to feel forced to open up to her because she did. At one point, she played that emotional vulnerability card like it was a trick. It’s not. It’s something you have to earn, something you give only when you’re comfortable and you trust the other person.
‘Cameron. You don’t have to bare your soul to me.’
‘I want to.’
The ache inside her quivers hopefully.
‘Here goes.’ He takes another deep breath in, gaze focused on her. ‘I haven’t practised this at all so I apologise in advance if I speak in circles.’
‘Should we dance for a bit first?’
Cameron stills for a second before laughing. ‘Maybe.’
Jules’s stomach goops around. His laugh. She wants to wrap herself in it like a hug. She settles for wrapping her arms tighter around herself.
‘Okay. Um. Where to—Right. First thing. I know you weren’t using me for my body.’
Again, it’s not the words Jules thought she’d hear straight off the bat. When he continues, it makes a little more sense. ‘I know I meant more to you than that, and you trying so hard to make sure I knew that meant a lot. Thank you. So don’t feel guilty about the fling thing. I have no regrets. Even if it … didn’t end how it should have.’
Jules swallows the ‘how should it have ended?’ question.
He takes a deep breath then lets it out slowly. ‘I was a fucking hypocrite. I know Matteo told you the full Braden story. I should’ve done that, but I don’t like how it makes me look. Or feel.’
‘He did tell me, so if you don’t want—’
‘I do. I should have earlier, because it’s why I did what I did.’ Cameron takes a step in closer to Jules. His hand reaches to touch her but he pulls it away at the last second.
Jules’s skin tingles where he would have touched.
‘When I was with Braden,’ Cameron begins, a hesitancy to his words. ‘I thought we had something serious, or something that was heading that way. When I found out she only saw me as this ‘hot guy’ to have fun with before she went looking for someone to get serious with, it hurt me. She didn’t think I was worth settling down with and since that I’ve—I sometimes—’ He pushes out a breath and shakes his head. ‘It’s made me doubt myself and what I bring to a relationship. So I retreated from others. Including you. First in the office, and then at the conference.’
Hearing the story from Cameron is immeasurably worse than hearing it from Matteo. She can see the shame in his eyes and see the tremor in his hand when he moves it through his hair.
She touches his arm lightly when it drops back down, holds his gaze while she links her fingers through his.
He exhales roughly, looking at their joined hands. ‘I’m so sorry I was an ass who tried to make you believe I was doing the same to you. I thought … I thought I was.’ His hand tightens on hers. ‘I had made myself believe a conference fling was all you wanted from me, because after the Braden stuff it made sense to me.’
His gaze lifts to hers. ‘I was lying to myself. And to you because of it. I was trying so hard all week to only make it about sex, because I was worried I would fall for you if I didn’t. So all those times you opened up to me, instead of me treating it like the fucking gift it was, I shoved my walls back up and I … I made it about sex and the physical.’
His palm is sweaty, but he doesn’t pull away. Jules’s own hands feel sweaty too. This is … a lot. He’s not just opening up to her, offering an explanation or an apology. He’s digging deep into his heart and letting her see everything, the good and the bad.
