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Her stomach drops as she says the words, because she knows this is her final lifeline back to their relationship.
Jules waits for words or actions, but his face goes slack, lips parting on a punched exhale. Gradually, his eyes pinch at the corners, and his mouth compresses into a flat line. And then he stays cast in stone, barely moving except for the rise and fall of his chest.
Her stomach plummets then lifts, sickeningly quick. This moment? It’s worse than Todd ending things. Worse than her parents announcing they were moving overseas, or her brother leaving her behind for Tasmania. Because Cameron’s right here still, but he’s moved beyond her reach.
The nervous rambling returns, making up for lost time.
‘If you say yes, we can take it slow, as slow as you need. We don’t have to have sex again until you’re ready. You can blindfold me. We can do it in the dark. But that’s not—That’s not what I want to focus on.’ She reaches for him then. Grabs for his hand and holds it tight between hers. His gaze flicks to her and she sees it, vulnerability and hope. The same emotions she’s feeling right now. ‘I want to be with you in every way two people can: emotionally, romantically, physically. I’m asking you to be my boyfriend. I’m asking you to not run from us.’
His fingers twitch in her grip. She hears him swallow, and a tiny sound, almost a whine, emerges from his throat before he speaks. ‘I can’t.’
Ice slides down her spine as he pulls his hand from her grip. She can’t move her limbs quick enough to halt the door this time. The snick of the lock is as loud as a snare drum.
‘Wait, wait. Cameron?’ She presses her palms to the door.
Silence from inside. Only the sound of her blood rushing in her ears. She has to try anyway.
‘Please. If we can’t—’ Her throat closes up, clogging with clambering ants. ‘I can’t bear walking away from this conference and have you assuming something untrue about yourself. Please tell me you at least believe you’re more than your appearance. To me and the world.’
More silence.
‘Cameron?’
She holds her breath, doesn’t move, presses her ear against the door and strains. But there’s nothing. No breathing, no footsteps, no acknowledgement of her words.
And now there’s no them either.
Chapter 29
The end of the fling with Jules should be a clean break. It doesn’t feel like it.
Cameron paces his room, antsy, like he wants to run, and it’s not away this time. No. It’s back to Jules.
But he can’t.
Seeing her nearly crying, watching her fight for them, tell him that she wants the chance to fall in love with him … Only the toughest, most closed-off person could watch that emotional confession and not feel something. His gut was tugging him to her, but there was still that itchy doubt inside him. That history was repeating itself.
At the end of the day, words—no matter how pretty, or romantic, or gut-wrenchingly honest they seem—are only words. It’s actions that truly reveal a person’s wants and Jules’s actions were pretty clearly about the one thing this week.
So she’s not exactly like Braden, she came back and fought for them. Fine. But he still feels like a wreck in the aftermath of a relationship, same as with Braden.
He has to ride this out until it doesn’t feel so raw. Expunge the feelings from inside until he can’t remember the taste of her or the noises she makes when she comes or the warmth in his chest when she smiles at him, so when they’re back in the office on Monday, his job performance won’t be hurt. At least this time, he won’t be forced to see his ex face-to-face every day.
His gut twists. He can’t even properly claim Jules as an ex, since they were never officially anything. He can’t loiter in the hotel room any longer, either. The place is stacked full of memories of Jules and he’s chasing that clean break.
Cameron does a final check that everything has been packed and nothing is lost beneath the bed or in the wardrobe. Nothing. The only thing he’s leaving behind besides memories is the pile of papers shoved into the bin by the desk.
Satchel slung over a shoulder and suitcase in hand, Cameron walks out.
Someone’s waiting in the corridor for him. His heart lifts, foolishly, hopefully—and isn’t that telling—but it clatters back into place fast. It’s not Jules. It’s Braden. Fuck.
He pulls the door shut with force, frowning already. ‘What?’
‘Hey, Cam.’ The mega-watt smile appears. ‘Let’s grab that coffee before you head back to Canberra.’
She doesn’t even phrase it like a question.
He wheels his suitcase in front of his body like a barrier. ‘Stop. Just stop.’
