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‘Because the fling isn’t what I really wanted. It’s never been what I wanted.’
‘You literally told me you wanted a conference fling.’
‘No, I said my friends said I should have one.’
Cameron’s hand drops from the door and he shifts his weight on his feet. His hands go to his hips for a moment, then slip inside his pockets instead. She watches them curl.
‘What are you saying.’ His voice is scratchy, gaze darting over her face. ‘You didn’t want that? I coerced you?’
‘No, Cameron. No.’ She reaches out to touch him then snatches her hand back when he shies away. The empty ache inside her pulses. ‘Of course not. I went willingly and very, very eagerly.’
‘After you saw me with my shirt off.’
‘I—What?’ Jules blinks. He says it like a fact but she doesn’t get where his assumption is coming from.
And how are they getting so far away from what she wants to say? She can’t stand here and watch him talk himself into believing the worst of her. Of him. Of their relationship.
The ants crawl but she puts as much force into her rebuttal as she can. ‘That’s not true.’
‘In case you’ve forgotten, you denied pretty heavily in the car that you would say yes if I was the person offering to have a fling with you. Then less than 24 hours later, after seeing me shirtless, suddenly you’re interested.’
‘That is … That’s completely …’ She doesn’t know what it is, but after hearing Matteo talk about Cameron’s history with Braden, she’s horrified, literally sick to her stomach, that Cameron thought she was using him the same way.
‘That’s bullshit,’ she says firmly. She’d already been interested, for one thing, and if anything pushed her over the edge, it was seeing him around his sisters at lunch, and the way he comforted her when they bumped into each other outside the bathrooms.
‘Not from where I’m standing.’ His arms fold across his chest.
Jules doesn’t know what she can say. Everything she says or does, now and for the past week, he’s twisting up to fit his belief. Talking himself into things, just like Matteo said.
‘Don’t twist my actions up to justify your choice.’ She tries to make him see what he’s doing.
‘You got your fling. Why’re you trying to turn this into something else?’
‘I already said it. This was never just a fling for me, Cameron!’
His entire body goes tight. She sees the strain in his arms, at his neck and in the pursing of his mouth. It’s like he’s closing himself off to her. Like he’s building a wall.
She takes a fortifying breath then confesses to her feelings, hoping she can break through with pure, unfiltered emotion. ‘I have never wanted you just for your body and for sex. I want … I want you. All of you. The music nerd and the marketing geek and the fitness junkie and the paint-by-numbers guy, the one who jumps around the room to 80s pop with me.’
Jules takes a deep breath. It shakes unsteadily into her lungs but she powers through.
‘I’ve liked you for months, Cameron. We spoke so many times on the phone and you’re so patient and kind and, honestly, the one person whose phone calls I actually wanted to answer. You were like this little calm in the storm of my day.’
His jaw clenches. ‘But you hadn’t seen me.’
Knowing why he’s fixated on the point digs blades into her stomach. She can’t walk away from this conversation without him believing he’s more than his appearance, even if that’s all she walks away from it with.
‘That didn’t matter. I may not have seen you but I saw you, the person you are. This was never only about sex for me. It was about you, being with you. I was working up the courage to ask you out after this week. I want to date you. And have sex with you, sure, but I thought that would come later. And I’m so sorry, Cameron, so sorry for putting you in a position that made you feel how Braden made you feel. Please believe that it meant more to me than that. You’re not just some body to me.’
His arms drop heavy to his sides. ‘How can I believe that, Jules? You started our whole thing off by asking us to define what a fling was. I’ve seen the way you look at my body.’
It sounds dismissive on the surface, but she’s had months of listening to Cameron speak, so she can pick out the hint of want there too. Like he wants to believe her.
‘How I look at you.’ She shakes her head and dares take a half-step closer to him. ‘You offer more than your appearance, so much more. I should’ve been clear with you from the start about my feelings, then you’d get what I’m saying.’
He swallows roughly. ‘Feelings?’
‘Yes. I … I’m … I want to be with you, Cameron. Long-term. I want the chance to fall in love with you.’
