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Melody
___________________
Choosing a picnic table closest to the playground, she watches Ollie play on the slides.
"Watch me, Momma!" He says as he rushes up the stairs and throws himself down the slide face first. She doesn’t even bother telling him to be careful. She knows he won’t. So she does her best to watch from a distance and let him make his mistakes.
She feels a warm hand brush over her shoulders. God, she never thought she would feel that ever again. She tries to hide the shiver that curls up her spine, coiling deliciously in her core.
Her body still remembers him. Looking up at Graham as he rounds the table, pizza boxes in hand. He is in a basic t-shirt and athletic shorts, looking every bit the athlete he was or had been in the past. He filled out his shirts a little more. His muscle taking on a thicker build, rather than the lean mass he had when they first got together.
His attention is on Ollie. "Jesus, that kid has some stamina, huh?" He smiles at her. The first genuine smile he has given her in years.
She missed it. She missed him.
He sits on the tabletop next to her. Setting the pizzas down behind him. His attention was now on her, making her squirm. She is scared, worried really, about how this conversation is going to go. What direction it will take.
Taking a deep breath, she starts. “What do you want to know, Graham?”
He sighs deeply, the rumble of his voice matching the frustration he must be feeling. "I don't even know where to start, Melody." He says. “But, maybe you should start by telling me why the fuck you kept Ollie a secret from me?" His words don't sound angry, just resigned to having his conversation, he just really wants to understand.
Taking a deep breath, she starts. “Well. I found out I was pregnant about mid-September, and we really hadn't been talking. We had let each other go." She looks down at her hands. “Do you want me to be honest with you, Graham?"
"Always, Melody."
"I didn't want to hold you back. You were so driven and had your entire life ahead of you. I wanted to give you the opportunity to achieve your goals, live your life, and find your future without it being saddled on you prematurely."
He stares out at the park straight ahead, his jaw working as he clenches his teeth in contemplation. "Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to keep him away from me forever? How long did you think you could keep this up?”
"Of course, I was going to tell you, Graham. I just wanted you to be settled first."
He nods."And who got to decide what settled looked like? You? Okay, fine. What parameters were you using to gauge my level of settlement? Was it when I graduated? When I got a job? When I got married? Oh wait, maybe when I had a set of kids. Yeah, that sounds about right. When I was married, with a family, that would have been a great time to drop the baby bomb." His voice sounds angrier and angrier as the words spill out of his mouth.
"I didn't plan that far ahead, Graham. It was a decision I made with your best interests at heart. I didn't want to be the reason you didn't get everything you wanted out of life." Melody breathes out the words resignation and shame, bleeding through.
"I went to see you a few times." He says after a few minutes of silence. He peers at her sideways. “More than a few times.” He puts his head in his hands. “You used to go to this bookstore every Sunday. I was there. I saw you grow that baby inside you. Every week, you looked more and more beautiful. I couldn’t stop myself from going. From watching you."
He looks up at her.
"Then, one day, you had this little baby in your arms. When I saw you, then, it was like you two were the only people in the world. I wished so hard that you and that baby were mine. You, Melody. You were everything that I wanted out of life. You and that baby." He smiled wistfully, voice cracking with emotion.
"But then, Duke walked in, doting on you and the little one. I thought, for sure this was his baby, he had to be the father. Why else would you let him back into your life? I vowed right then and there to leave you alone. To leave you to your new family.” He grits his teeth and shakes his head. “God, and all this time. That new family had been mine all along. I had actually gotten everything I had ever wanted."
Her gut clenched, the sorrow filling her up. She had no idea he came to see her. How many times did she wish he would walk into that bookstore and demand that she leave with him? Her eyes well with unshed tears.
"I'm so sorry, Graham. I know that right now, it doesn't seem fair. But at the time, all I wanted was for you to have an incredible life. I didn't want you to resent me, to resent Ollie, if your life didn't turn out the way you planned.
"Do you really think I planned any of this? The week I lost you, I lost swimming, I lost my entire life’s plan in a span of two weeks. I made everything else up on the fly." He looks at her, eyes hard. "I hope you know, Melody, that I plan on being a part of his life. You can't take him from me again." He says vehemently.
She shakes her head. “I want for you to be a part of his life. That's why I shared so much of you with him already, knowing that one day, you would be right there with him. We can talk about it if you want. What we tell him, how, when. We take it as slow or fast as you need to go.” Those same words had once come out of his mouth. Letting her set the pace for their relationship. Going as slow or fast as they needed to. Look at how that turned out.
"You know, he already asked me if you were his dad. He is a smart kid. He made the connection already." She smiles, looking at her little human playing tag with another child.
"Yeah, well, he is my kid, after all." Graham teases. "This is so fucked up, isn’t it?"
"No, I don't think so. I prayed I could take a piece of you with me that day you left. I suppose I may have taken a little more of you than I had bargained for. But if I could choose again, I wouldn't have chosen a different outcome.” She admits.
"You were already pregnant, weren't you? That day, a week before Christmas. You knew." He asks. She knew exactly the day he was talking about. She still thinks about it. More often than she would ever admit.
