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I had a hard time sleeping last night; sometimes, if I am reminded of my time in my old pack, I dream about being there. For years after leaving the pack, I used to have nightmares. Some people dream about standing naked in front of the class during high school; I dreamed that I was cornered in the woods by some of my peers with no escape. One of my more vivid memories is from my first year of high school, and the Alpha came to talk to the young wolves at the school about the expectations the pack had of us. Normally, shifters got their wolves at around thirteen, some earlier, some later, but high school is when we started becoming full members of the pack. The Alpha talked about how we are the superior race and that we are to strive to be the strongest pack around. That weakness is unacceptable, we are to 'help' each other along. Which meant belittling and beating me into being better. The concept of a helping hand was non-existent.
They would pit the strongest against the weakest, essentially to teach them to get better and be stronger, but the opposite happened for most of us. It just made us scared, and it ostracized us from the group because we couldn't live up to the standard. After school that day, a group of the stronger shifter girls followed me home. They called me fat and made sure I knew that I wasn't up to par, but hurling insults wasn't enough. Though I had been ridiculed my whole life, that day was the first day I got the shit beat out of me. Sarah, the leader of the group, decided to make an example of me, or maybe make a name for herself. She thought I wasn't getting how low in the hierarchy I was, but I knew all too well.
I came home that day to a look of disdain on my mother's face and an apathetic expression from my father. That was the beginning of my teenage years; thankfully, Thorn took me away from it all.
I am glad I know how to work Quinn's coffee machine, because four-thirty is way too early to be up, but caffeine should fix the lethargic feeling…hopefully. Quinn has this lovely little nook by the front window where you can look out at the woods surrounding her house. As a shifter, nature brings a sense of calm not only to my wolf, but to me as well. Sometimes, in the city, I feel this pressure that makes me want to scratch at my skin. I know the council doesn't encourage shifters to live in the city, and I see why. It is better for a shifter's mental health to have a pack and support, and the city isn't the best place to have a pack—too high of a risk of humans finding out about our kind. But for me, it was a way to put enough space between me and my old pack and finally start to heal.
That being said, I can sit and appreciate the view, soaking up the feeling of calm comfort from nature. Makes me wonder if maybe I should consider joining a pack after this. Maybe Thorn is right; maybe it's time I find a place to settle in.
"Well, look who's up early." I turn to see Quinn walking down the stairs.
"Didn't sleep well." I look back at my coffee cup and fiddle with the handle.
"I'm sorry, Paige. Maybe a cup of tea before bed tonight will help."
"Or wine," I smirk, and she just shakes her head. She grabs a fluffy blanket off the couch and climbs into the chair beside me. It's started to lightly snow, so we sit and watch it fall.
"So I was thinking that we should go into town today, go shopping, and get coffee. It could be a good distraction for you. There are no meetings today, so Maddie can stay with Eli, and we can have a girls' day."
She is such a considerate friend. "I would love that."
"Great! Let's get some breakfast and then head into town. I think most of the shops open at nine-thirty."
"Sounds great. I'm going to have a shower first and then meet you out here for breakfast."
"Okay! I can't wait! I haven't had a shopping day in forever! Not that anything is going to fit, but I love window shopping!"
It doesn't take long for us to get ready and head into town. It's not overly busy today, especially since it's a Saturday, but I'm not complaining. We first stop at this cute vintage shop that has old clothing and amazing antique jewlery.
"Quinn, look at this ring. Isn't it beautiful?"
Quinn comes over and takes the oval ring encrusted with little diamonds and a blue gem in the middle.
"Wow, it's beautiful! You should get it."
"And wear it where?"
"I don't know, around the house."
Laughing, I take the ring back. The attendant comes over to us, and just before putting the ring back, she mentions where it came from.
"Apparently, the woman who owned that ring was married to five different men! No one knew until she died. Can you imagine planning your wife's funeral and finding out she had FOUR other husbands?"
Wow, wonders never cease. I'm not sure that is true, but it is an interesting story.
We head back out onto the busy street to hit up our next store.
"Do you want to go to the bookstore? Millie always has the best romance novels, and I think she was supposed to get a new shipment in yesterday," Quinn says with a huge smile.
"Yeah, sounds good." The bookstore isn't all that big, but the owner has it all laid out really nicely with great labels and eye-catching books. Immediately, we head towards the romance section, because we are suckers for a good love story. A woman comes out from behind the counter and heads toward us; this must be Millie.
"Quinn! I got those books you wanted. Werewolf shifter romance with an age-gap twist."
I couldn't help but chuckle at that. Quinn wacks me on the shoulder and tries to shush me.
"Oh, stop it, Paige. Don't pretend like you don't read these too."
"Yeah, yeah, our love for shifter romances is a bit unhealthy." We both laugh at how ridiculous reading shifter romances is; I'm not entirely sure what it says about us. Some of the things the authors come up with are amazing, though. After Quinn loads up with all her books, we check out and head out to find black gold coffee.
