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His words hit me right in the heart. He sounds so genuine and concerned for me. I have only ever wanted to feel safe and protected, and though Thorn has done a good job of taking care of me, the feeling of having my mate here is beyond words. I cry into his neck because the memory of almost being forced to mate with Mic is too much. The night always makes things scarier and feelings feel bigger, so to have him here is a wonderful comfort.
Time passes and I take the comfort given to me as the tears finally dry up. My hands that are wrapped around his body touch his bare skin. Is he topless? My hands have a mind of their own and start to rub his skin, feeling the muscles in his back. He leans down to kiss my head, and I am struck with the understanding that Liam is in my room topless, and I don't even know how the hell he got there.
I push back from him and take in his face, which has concern written all over it. Does he really care for me? Begrudgingly, I get off his lap and back a bit away from him. That's when I realize he's not just topless; he's naked.
He must realize this at the same time as I do and grabs a pillow to cover his well-endowed area. Shit, my cheeks are getting hot. The moon is the only thing that is lighting the room up, so he likely can't see how that has affected me.
"Shit, Sorry, Paige. I was out for a run and heard you calling out. I didn't think when I climbed in through the window that I forgot my clothes at the house; I'm not trying to be creepy…"
He's rambling, and I find it really cute, which makes me conflicted.
"It's okay, Liam. Thank you. It was just a nightmare." I play with the hem of my shirt, because I haven't had that nightmare in a long time. I realize now that I'm not wearing a bra and I'm wearing short shorts. I cross my arms in front of my boobs, because they are no doubt showing that I am getting cold. Hopefully, Liam can't see that.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I debate the question in my head for a moment. He doesn't need to be here, and I am still not sure how to feel about all the revelations of today. I figured he was my mate, but he is also my match. I don't know how to take all that. The connection I had with my match was overwhelmingly good, and I guess it explains a lot of how easy it was to talk to him. I decide to give him the bare minimum and send him on his way.
"It was a memory…of when my parents told me I was going to be forcibly mated to Mic." The words feel sour in my mouth, and the rumble coming from Liam actually comforts me, which I love and hate at the same time.
"Paige, I am so so sorry. For everything."
A tear slips out hearing his words. Sometimes, all you ever want to hear is someone apologize for the hurt and pain they caused you; it heals the pain in a way that forgiving and moving forward doesn't. He sounds sincere, but I am already at my emotional capacity.
"I appreciate your help, but I think it's time for you to go," I say as I turn to face him. He looks hurt, but I could tell he understands. He nods slowly, still clutching the pillow, so I turn away to give him some privacy to leave. I hear the window creak as he takes some of his weight off of it. I turn to see him jumping out of the window and running off into the woods with his beautiful brown wolf. My own wolf whimpers at their departure. Standing alone in the room, I try to process everything that had just happened. The mate bond between us is strong, urging me to run after Liam and make him stay, but how can I reconcile the hurt I feel with the desire to be with him? He is the same person, yet different, his body being one of the most obvious changes. Damn it, he is so attractive. I realize that I couldn't keep standing at the window, hoping to see him again. I need to go back to bed. I pour myself a glass of water and try to fall back asleep, hoping that a new day will bring me some clarity.
Chapter 12 - Paige
I fall back to sleep pretty quickly, which is surprising; the smell of Liam lingers on my sheets, which comforts me more than I care to admit. The pull is getting stronger, and despite my tumultuous feelings, I can't help but remember all the good times we had together.
Snow must have started in the night, because the back deck is covered in a light dusting. Maddie will have fun playing in it today. I take another sip of my black coffee, watching the snowfall. I normally put sugar in my coffee, but when I woke up, I just needed something strong to start my day. At first, I thought vodka, but then I thought it probably wasn't the best choice. Look at that—making mature decisions. I'm sure my hair is a mess and the bags under my eyes are prominent, because despite falling back to sleep, I didn't sleep for very long last night.
I'm still a little shocked that Liam showed up in my room last night. I couldn't really see him, but he smelled amazing. It felt really, really good to be in his strong arms. He held me so tight. I've never had anyone hold me like that before. He was so soft and tender with me. The feel of his strong back sends heat to my lower half that has become increasingly more persistent. I should pay attention to it. He was naked in my bed, holding me…rubbing my arms…damn, he isn't even here, and he is getting me all hot and bothered. I try to shake the images out of my head, because though he is sexy as hell, the bond is likely screwing with my head; shit, now I'm thinking about screwing. Ugh!
He really isn't the same person he used to be. I was originally thinking that I would try and pursue my match while ignoring Liam as my true mate, but seeing as they are one and the same, I don't have that option anymore. Admittedly, I'm not sure I want that option anymore. I've spent the past hour thinking about this and have decided I really just need to talk to him. I've spent many years in therapy forgiving some of those who have hurt me, Liam being one of them, and now I need to consider that he has been on his own journey, and I won't know what that is until we talk.
"Mornin'."
I jump and spill a bit of coffee as Thorn comes into the kitchen to grab coffee. My heart is pumping, and now I'm searching for a cloth to clean up this mess.
"Damn it, Thorn. Don't scare me!" He tosses me a dish rag, and I clean up the mess. Getting my hands wrapped around the mug again, I take a sip. Thorn sits beside me in the last empty chair on this side. He puts his own black coffee on the table and knocks his shoulder into mine. Looking over, I know he can tell something is up, but he doesn't pry. He never does. It is not like he has to; I tend to verbally dump when I need to process.
"Nightmare?" Apparently, I don't need to say anything. He knows me better than anyone else, including Quinn. I just nod at his observation, and we both go back to sipping our coffee. The house is quiet, which I appreciate right now, but I know it's only temporary because once Maddie is up, it'll be busy.
"You remember when I was arranged to marry Mic?" That's all it takes for Thorn to put it together. After Thorn took me away from the pack, I had the same nightmare for well over a year. He would always get up and help distract me from the terror that lived in my head.
"You could have woken me up. We could have played a game to distract you."
Man, I love this guy. We are fifteen years apart, but even still, he has always been a very protective brother. When he moved out at eighteen, I was nearly four, and he would always come back to make sure I was okay. Every birthday, he was there for a few days to celebrate, and I knew coming back was hard for him even though I never really knew what happened between him and our parents. It wasn't just birthdays either, though; he would also visit on all the holidays to see me—not our parents, just me. Eventually, when I got old enough, he bought me a cellphone and made sure to call and talk often. He was there for me through all of the hardship of living in the pack. I know it killed him that for a long time, he couldn't do anything to help, but he did something more. He was there every time I needed to talk to someone; he was there when I needed to cry about something; he was always there for me.
"I should have taken you away before that even happened. When I heard that Mic was who our parents were going to marry you off to, I booked a flight and came to get you. That's why I was there a couple of weeks before your birthday. I had heard what was happening before you did."
"I didn't know that."
"I knew how terrible Mic was; I still had contacts in the pack that would keep an eye on you and the workings of the pack. I was just grateful I had secured a position with the council in order to take you out with no issues. That was part of the reason our parents never demanded you return or why the Alpha didn't send goons to come get you. The council helped me protect you, and the Alpha didn't want to take on the entire council for one stray wolf, which I was banking on."
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
"Before, it was too early; you were dealing with so much from living in the pack. I didn't want to pile any more on top of you. After a couple of years, I just didn't want to bring up bad memories. You were finally happy and your anxiety attacks had decreased, I just wanted you to live a good life." Emotion clogs my throat as I stare at this hard man. He was made to be a hard man, to show the world he can handle anything, do anything. He is supposed to be terrifying to everyone, used as a tool by the council to keep things in order or execute their orders on their behalf. But to me, he is my big brother, whose features soften when he looks at me. Who took care of a seventeen-year-old to make sure she was safe. He is nothing like how the world sees him.
