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"Tell me you are mine. I already told you I can't get over you, and I fucking mean it. I know I said I would stay away, but I don't think I can."
I finally opened my eyes.
"Lincoln, we will just hurt each other again, or worse, blow up this family. We couldn't even last a week without fighting. I'm not doing this again."
He looked so defeated. "Aubrey, this,” he gestured between us, “is hurting us. Being apart hurts us, and we haven't even really been apart yet. What happens when you leave here without me, and you meet someone else? What if you want to bring him home for Christmas? Am I supposed to be okay with that?"
I tried to push away, but his hold on me was solid. "Lincoln, please," I didn't know how to stop the tears from falling this time. I was starting to panic a little. "This isn't healthy… I can't do this right now. I need to go back to Brie."
He let go and stepped back, giving me some room. "This isn't over. We will have this conversation a million times until you take me back."
“No, Lincoln. No, we won’t.”
He leaned forward, kissed my forehead, and walked inside.
I sank to the ground against the wall and put my head between my knees. This was too much. I'm so scared of us hurting each other, but mostly I’m scared of us hurting everyone around us. It's like we can't be apart but we can't be together either. I don't know what to do. I need to leave.
Me: Bean, I'm not feeling great; I’m going for a walk to get some air. My keys are in your purse. See you when I get back. Make sure Lincoln has a ride home, please.
Bean: Wait by the car. I will drive you. I'll be right there.
Me: No. Please stay and have some fun. I just need some fresh air.
Bean: No, I don’t wanna stay if you are not here.
Me: Okay I get it. But I’m still going to walk as long as you are good.
Bean: Yeah I’ll be okay. I will meet you back at the house. Please call Nick or Callie to talk to you while you walk.
Me: I will.
I called Nick. I felt like we hadn’t spoken in forever. The minute he picked up, I let go of everything that had been happening. I knew I called him and not Callie because he wouldn't try to give me advice; he just listened. He knows what it's like to not be with the person you love. I wish he would tell Callie how he feels, but I guess it doesn't matter now, and he would be blowing up everything for something that can’t happen, so I get it.
After I finished speaking and catching my breath, I sat down on a bench. I appreciated that he didn't ask any further questions about what I said. He simply listened and moved on to talking about himself and what was happening at home.
I brought my notebook in my purse so while he talked, I listened and wrote. He said he met someone, a new teacher at the high school. He said she looked like Callie, which was no surprise…the man definitely has a type, but I could already tell he wasn’t as interested as he was letting on.
We talked for over an hour; I let him keep talking, interjecting when necessary. I was writing a few letters, but Connecticut was an hour ahead, so my ten o’clock was his eleven o’clock, so he needed to get to bed.
"Check on Cal for me, Nick. She seemed sad when I called her."
"Always, Aubs, I'll always protect you both."
"I know. I'll see you soon."
I walked the rest of the way home, and Lincoln was sitting on the front porch when I arrived. I could tell this conversation was not going to go well. He looked like he hadn’t calmed down at all since I left him at the bar.
Lord, help me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Lincoln
“Where were you?” I said it without looking up at her. I was trying hard not to blow up. I just kept wringing my hands together.
“Why? Are you my keeper now?”
I looked up at her, “Aubrey.”
