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Chapter Six
Terry
I got up early that morning, unsure of what time she would get to the park. If I knew Mia like I thought I did, she would be at the park early, before it got too touristy. I had to see her, even if we didn’t talk. I grabbed a hooded sweatshirt from the closet and quickly made my way to the park.
Mia was an extraordinary photographer, but she didn’t enjoy photographing people. She always liked landscapes, objects, or pictures of me, oddly enough. At least that’s how it used to be. Out of all the things that might have changed about her, I was hoping this wasn’t one of them. I thought back to our conversation at the bookstore and of all the things she willing admitted to, all the things she had not admitted to, and all the things I had kept inside.
She still lived in our apartment, still took photographs, and still used my darkroom. That had to mean something, didn’t it? I just couldn’t decide if it was her trying to tell me she still loved me or if she kept all of those things as reminders of a mistake she had made. Mia had seemed so much like the girl I remembered, but at the same time, she was so different. Something about her had changed. Something about her had caused her to be a different person, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t me.
I made my way into the park and stopped by the trees that kept a beautiful, serene pond hidden. There she sat. This wasn’t the first time I had stopped to watch her. We had crossed paths before; she just hadn’t known it. We had been in the same city, at the same parties, and even at the same gallery openings. I kept my distance from her because I wasn’t sure if she was ready to face me. And I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face what I had done to her, even if I had known that I had to do it. She held this pull on my heart; it was almost electric, and I couldn’t shake her. And I was tired of trying. I needed to see her again, talk to her, touch her. The distance made me ache, almost as much as seeing what I had done to her did.
I had always given her space when we could have come into contact. I was afraid of what she would say. I had envisioned our reunion so many times in my head—what she would say, what she would smell like, and how she would slap me. I knew Mia loved me at one point, but I also knew that within all that love would be some passion that had since turned to anger directed at me, and rightfully so.
I watched as she came to life in front of me and carefully calculated each shot before she fully pressed down the button. This particular part of the park was so quiet, I swore I could hear the snap of each photo. It was either that or I knew her well enough to know which shots she would take, what view she would settle on. She always had impeccable timing.
“I know you’re back there,” the angelic voice in front of me said, breaking the silence. “The question is, why? Haven’t you done enough for one weekend? Haven’t I suffered enough because of you to last me a lifetime?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I could see now that she was crying. Her eyes were swollen red and her face was blotchy. I hated that I had made her cry. This wasn’t how I had expected to find her when I sought her out.
“Then what exactly did you mean to do? Because for the life of me, I can’t figure out why you’re following me. Why, after all these years, have you decided to come here and actually look for me? You’ve been here before. We’ve been to the same events, and yet you’ve never felt the need to come over and say hello. So why now?” Her voice rose a few octaves as she talked, but she wasn’t yelling—yet. Tears fell down her cheeks.
“You knew?” I thought for sure I had kept out of her view.
“Of course I knew.” She was sobbing now. “I would know the back of your head anywhere. Your scent, the way you move. Terry, there are so many things that could change about you, but not enough to make me not notice you. How could I not notice the person I loved, who had broken my heart so needlessly? I knew you were there. You just never cared enough to come over and say hello; making me realize then, more than ever, that I never meant a damn thing to you. How can you share your life with someone for all those years and then see them at a party and not say hello? Or see them at the gallery you always went to together and ignore them? You want to talk to me about fingerprints, but you showed up at the same places as me. You made sure you snuck away into the shadows without so much as a hello.”
I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact she had noticed me, and I had been so stupid to believe I had snuck in and out without being detected. Before I had a chance to respond, she started again.
“What, no comment? No pity party for me? Come on, I’m a big girl. Let me have it. Let me in on the secret. Tell me everything I wasn’t privy to yesterday!”
“What exactly do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologize for thinking I was doing you a favor by avoiding you? Or maybe that I was being a little selfish while also doing what I thought was best for you? Like I had all those years ago when I left for London. Everything I’ve ever done was out of love for you. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder if it was the right decision. I just know that I did it because I loved you too much to hurt you.”
She was almost expressionless, and before I knew it, she was moving toward me quickly. In an instant, I knew what was coming. She raised her hand up when she reached me, and she slapped me. The action caused my head to turn.
“Fuck you, Terry,” she spat.
I grabbed her arm and stopped her from walking away. I had to know something. “Mia. Mia,” I kept saying as she struggled to free herself from my hold. I let her arm go, and we stood with our shoulders squared, studying each other. Her eyes blazed with anger and hatred. My face fell in an instant. She hated me. My original thought flew out of my head. I knew the answer to the question weighing on my mind was no longer important. Now, I needed to know why she hated me so much. I knew a lot of things about Mia; we had been through so much together. Could all of our history, all of our fingerprints, really be so easily erased and replaced with all the hate that was now staring me in the face?
I finally just let her walk away. She made her way out of the park without a sound. The silence was deafening. Seeing her at the office tomorrow was going to be interesting.
