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“Still, we should be with her. Let’s get moving.” I start heading toward Derek’s bedroom, where my things are. I need to start packing.
“Hang on, Aud. I can take care of all of that.” Derek trails after me. “Just go sit. Let me take care of you.”
I’m not sure that I can sit down. I want to do something to take my mind off my loss. If I sit here and think about the fact that I live in a world where I no longer have a father, I may never get up. Derek may never get me on a plane.
Aiden comes into the room. His eyes are red rimmed, but he looks like he’s trying his best to hold it together too. “Let D help you,” he rasps out.
Getting off the bed, where I was told stay put, I go to Aiden and put my arms around him. He hugs me back instantly. We just stand there while I hear the sounds of Derek packing up our things.
“What about you?” I whimper out. “Don’t you need things?”
“We’re going to go there next,” Derek says. “I’m not leaving you two alone right now. Brent went to pack up some things, and he’ll meet us at Aiden’s.”
We move as one all the way to airport—no one being left alone or left behind. I don’t even get a moment to fall apart by myself. Derek and Aiden stay with me. Thankfully, Dale has arranged everything for us. The cars to and from the airport, the tickets—it’s all been taken care of. All I can think about is getting to my mom and being with her. I don’t care that Aunt Ellen is with her.
There are so many questions I want to ask Mom, but I can’t right now. It’ll take time to get those answers. She just lost the love her life, and she needs time to process. Eventually, I’ll know all the painful details of why I no longer have a dad.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Cary, North Carolina—the place I call home. The place I was looking forward to going home to for so long. I needed the comforts of home and not the flashing lights of LA. But now it’s the last place I want to be. I don’t want my dad’s death to be my reality. It can’t be. I just saw him. I have no idea how we got here. I say as much to Derek as the car is leading us from the Raleigh-Durham Airport. It’s a quick drive, thankfully. I don’t think I could have handled it if we were going to be sitting in traffic for hours. It’s rush hour, so that’s still a possibility, but it won’t be too long.
“I don’t know, Aud. I’m sure your mom will explain everything in time. Let’s just focus on getting to her.” He gives my hand a squeeze. He hasn’t stopped touching me since we left LA. There’s always a hand in mind, on my leg, or on the small of my back. I like it. It’s comforting.
I wish Aiden had someone the way I do. I want to be with him too, but he’s staying strong and keeping to himself. I haven’t really been able to get to talk with him or even hold his hand through this. But he’s being Aiden and hiding his emotions—taking everything step by step, worrying about getting on the plane, finding our bags and car, and then getting to Mom.
The car pulls up to our house, and I stare at it. I know that when I walk into that house, it’s going to feel completely different. There is no father waiting for me. Only my mom and she’s hurting. That’s the only thing that helps me get out of the car. Derek is holding onto me. I’m cradled in his arm as I head up the front walk. Aiden has stopped throwing glares in Derek’s direction. There are more important things for him to worry about than my choice in boyfriend—or what he sees as a big lapse in judgment.
As soon as we enter the house, I’m happy to see Emma is already here. She’s sitting on the couch with my aunt Ellen and Mom.
“Kids.” My mom jumps up from the couch and comes over to us. Aiden and I step forward and allow her to wrap us in her arms.
“Mom…” I cry into her shoulder as she holds us. I hear Aiden mumble something, but I can’t make it out. I just stand there and cling to her, trying to provide her strength and trying to draw strength from her.
I’m not sure how long we stand there, but I hear Brent, Emma, and Derek talking lowly behind us. I have no idea where they disappear too, but when I pull away from Mom, it’s just the three of us standing there.
“What happened?” Aiden finally asks her.
Mom lets loose a heavy, shaky sigh. She’s been crying for a quite a while. “I’ll explain it later. Right now, I just need you kids.”
I nod in understanding, though I can see Aiden wants to fight her. I hope he doesn’t push the issue. He has a need to know everything; he wants all of the facts because the thoughts in his head might be worse than what actually happened. But he relents and doesn’t push for more details.
“Can I get you some tea, Mom?” I ask her.
“No,” she says, her voice quivering from the tears. There’s a fresh batch building up behind her eyes. “I’m fine. Emma made me some.”
I’ve never felt so awkward in my own home. I’m not sure what to do or even say to her. I want to crawl in her lap and try, but she’s feeling all of this too. I can’t put all of my grief on her when she has her own. I look around the room, but Derek and Emma haven’t returned yet. I like that they’re giving us space, but it still makes me uneasy. I’m not sure what to do or say.
“Sit,” Mom says, patting the space on the couch on either side of her. “I’ve seen the news, Audrey, so I know what’s going on with you and Derek.”
I figured. I’d sort of been waiting for a phone call from her or Dad. I guess they had more important things going on.
We sit in silence for a while. I don’t want to talk about what’s happening with me and Derek. There are more important things happening right now. She doesn’t need those details or to hear how her own daughter was called a whore in the media. And that’s assuming that she doesn’t know that already. She has an Instagram account, and she follows me and Aiden. So, she must know.
I can’t handle this; I need some kind of answers. I thought maybe it would be okay to sit here and let her tell us when she was ready, but not if she’s going to make small talk. This isn’t a small-talk situation.
“Mom, how did this happen?” I ask. “Were there complications?”
Aiden sighs heavily beside her, shooting me a glare as if it say, She told you not to push.
