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Beside me, Matt drops to his knees. He’s naked, and I wonder how I missed him stripping out of his boxers. Usually I watch every move he makes waiting to anticipate how best to please him and now… Now he seems to have realised without me saying the words exactly what I need. A tiny spark of joy ignites inside me.
I havethis amazingly beautiful woman who is warm and sated and full of my cum, snuggled here in my arms, and kneeling at my feet, buttocks on his heels, hands behind his back and head lowered, is Matt, who has never been anything but my Dom before. Never been anything but anyone’s Dom before as far as I know. I reach for his chin, needing to move Jocelyn in order to do so, and she watches me curiously as I tilt his chin up.
“Look at me,” I order him, gratified when he follows the instruction instantly. I’m not totally fooled, though. I can see the tension in his body, the tightness in his jaw. He hates this. It’s utterly alien to him and yet, he’s doing it.
And I know the only reason he’s doing it is for me.
“Once, Matt. Just once.” I want to say please. I want to beg him to give me this, but doing so would rather defeat the whole point of the exercise. So I bite my tongue and stop the words from coming out.
Matt
Ben’s insecurities have beenan issue for us before. When I first met Jocelyn, I knew she was the one for us, but then it turned out that Ben had met her already. They were working together, and he was the giant asshole I’d heard her complaining about numerous times when she visited my shop. He knew where she trained, who her family was and assumed she was a stuck-up snob with more opportunities than her talent deserved. His words, not mine. Ben sometimes forgets that my background is every bit as wealthy as Jocelyn’s and just because I choose to work and run a business doesn’t mean I have to.
They’ve been less of an issue for us in the bedroom, however, and I’m genuinely wondering what has brought this on. I’m older than him, was already far more experienced by the time we met, although he was far from being a virgin, so we fell into the roles we prefer easily. He’s never topped me and now, as I watch his face and read his body language, I realise that this is something I’ve failed to see in him.
I can see the desperation in his face and it looked like it almost killed him to frame that as a demand rather than beg me for it. There’s a fine line betweenbeing in control and refusing to listen to others and maybe even bullying. I’ve never seen myself that way, but tonight is making me reassess… everything, really. And it’s hard to work out what to say, how I can give him permission to be the one in control for once, without being the one in control in order to do so. As I struggle to unpick a way around that paradox, it hits me that there is only one thing that I really need to say right now. It might not fix everything, it might not fix anything, but he needs to know. It’s both the hardest, and the easiest thing I’ve ever said to him.
“I love you.”
Jocelyn’s lips curve into a huge smile as she looks up at Ben. She’s desperate for him to be okay and part of me is annoyed that he’s making her worry like this, but I realise that if this hadn’t happened tonight, it would have continued to fester and one thing that I know is going to be key if three of us together is ever going to work is that we need to be honest.
Should I blame Ben for not being honest? No. I can see that it’s been fear of being honest, of asking for something that he wants, something he thinks I’m not willing to give him, that’s led to this.
“What do you need, Ben?”
There’s a long pause. Either he’s confused about what he truly needs, or else he’s unsure how to ask for it, or worse, that he’s afraid to ask for it. Despite me trying not to force my dominant tendencies into this situation right now, I think maybe I need to. But then thankfully, Jocelyn realises what’s going on.
She places her hand on Ben’s cheek and pulls his face around, then stretches up and places her mouth over his. She kisses his lips leisurely, then deepensthe kiss, forcing him to open for her. When she pulls back, Ben’s eyes are glazed and some of his tension has left him.
“What do you want us to do?”
“What were you doing when I was at the theatre?”
“We got a taxi home, got very wet just getting into the flat from the taxi,” Joss says, “but I’m guessing you don’t want to repeat that?”
“No,” Ben says, but he smiles down at her and I think there’s a chance that we’re through the worst of this. “What else?”
“We…” She stops and looks down at me, her brow creasing a little before she turns back to Ben. “We made love and then we fell asleep.”
Ben swallows, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of us. “I want to watch you.”
Jocelyn frowns at him. “You don’t want to join us?”
“I want to watch you first. And then I’m going to join you.”
“Okay.” Jocelyn stands up and takes Ben’s hand, pulling him to stand beside her. But he’s slow to move, his gaze remaining on me. Jocelyn looks down at me and offers me her hand, but I look to Ben for permission before taking it and standing beside them.
Jocelyn turns to head for the bedroom then pauses when she’s realises neither of us have moved. She tries to tug my hand, but I’m waiting for Ben.
“It’s cold, guys. Aren’t you going to come and keep me warm? I love it when I’m between the two of you.”
“That’s not… that’s not what’s going to happen, Joss,” I say.
She frowns, then looks at Ben, who shakes his head. “Okay, but…”
Ben nods at me, and I move towards Jocelyn, picking her up and carrying her down the corridor to his room.
“Oh,” she says as we go into Ben’s room. When all three of us are together, we’re always in my bed. Never Ben’s. We don’t spend much time in here. To be honest, my room is usually cleaner and tidier, but, for once, everything in here is organised. Ben shrugs when I raise my eyebrows and I wonder how long he’s had it like this. Things have clearly been changing for him and I could kick myself for not having been paying attention.
