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Essence took a sip of hers, but didn’t drink it down. It was too delicious of a shot to waste in that manner, in her opinion. She wanted to savor it.
Decker and Niles both downed theirs and looked at her like she was crazy.
“It’s yummy!” she protested, taking another sip.
“So, I’ve been saying this since, like, always,” said Niles. “Since the beginning of everything. And I feel like it’s going to become a problem.”
“What are we even talking about?” said Essence.
“My relationship,” said Niles, as if this should be self-evident. “Come on, I just bought you shots. Now you are my go-to therapists. This is the way bars work. Yes?”
Essence laughed.
Decker laughed. “Sounds like you need to talk to her.”
“Yeah,” said Niles. “Well, I have. Talked to her. This is why I think it’s going to be a problem.”
“Because she wants kids?” said Essence.
“Not now,” said Niles. “Not right at this second. But yes, I think so, in probably three years. And I am not sure.”
“So, what does she say when you tell her that?” said Decker.
“She says that I have three years to get sure,” said Niles. “I mean, not exactly. It’s not like an ultimatum or whatever, but… I get the impression that if she has to choose between me and being a mother, I’m not it.”
“Did you ask her that?” said Decker.
“Well, no, because then I’m asking her to make it an ultimatum, aren’t I?” said Niles. “I’m not sure. How can I ask her to be sure? And I don’t want to be sure, really, that’s the thing. I don’t like… closed doors. My life is really narrow lately. I’m a business owner. I have a steady, committed relationship, and we’ve been together, like, almost a year now, and it’s all… the future, it’s all laid out, and I look at that, see that, all spread out ahead of me, and… and… I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Essence chewed on her lip, nodding slowly. “I kind of get that.”
“I guess I feel like, eventually, you have to pick something or else you end up with nothing,” said Decker. “You can keep all your options open forever, but then, if you don’t make any commitments, you just end up with a life of options. You have to choose an option to experience anything else. Which is a risk, sure. But all the good stuff happens after you take a risk.”
Essence turned to look at him, smiling. “I like that.”
He smiled back at her.
“What if you take the wrong risk?” said Niles. “What if it turns out badly?”
“What if it turns out badly because you didn’t risk anything at all?” said Decker.
“Truth is,” said Essence, “it’s probably going to turn out badly regardless. Most things turn out badly.”
“This is like how most relationships turn out badly?” said Decker. “You’re really kind of a cynic, aren’t you?”
“I’m just trying to be accurate,” said Essence. “And—in this case—it kind of doesn’t matter what you do with your life, it’s still going to suck a lot of the time.”
“Wow,” said Decker, shaking his head. “Okay.”
“Stop acting like my attitude is a revelation,” she said to him. “You must have noticed that I’ve said things like this before.”
Decker eyed her, thinking about it.
“It’s probably true,” said Niles, picking up his beer and taking a long swig. “Actually, it’s comforting. It really takes the pressure off.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling at him. “Some things aren’t worth agonizing over. Actually, probably most things, really.”
“You don’t think that,” said Decker softly.
