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Larissa laughed. “Okay, well, whatever it is, you guys are exploding the entire Tribune staff, and I think you know it. You better get together. If you don’t, it’s going to be carnage. How will people pick sides?”
“It won’t be like that!” said Essence.
“It definitely won’t be like that,” said Decker, fluttering his wings, looking nervous.
“Have a great night.” Larissa waved at them. “See you Monday.” She turned and walked off, heading for the stairwell to go down to the street.
Essence shut the door behind her. Essence’s heart was picking up speed in her chest. She was getting nervous, too. “Shit.”
“Shit,” echoed Decker.
“We don’t even have an HR department,” said Essence. “We don’t have anything like that. There aren’t any forms to fill out. But if Ned finds out, he’s going to call one of us. On the phone. Who do you think he’ll call?”
“He wouldn’t do that,” said Decker, wandering into her living room. “He’d stay out of it.”
“Decker, he would not stay out of it.”
Decker considered. “He would.”
“He’s going to call me,” said Essence. “It’ll be that male bullshit, where he blames me for tempting you by, you know, having breasts or whatever. ‘Didn’t want that man to be attracted to you, missy? Well, you shouldn’t have grown those enticing mammary glands.’”
Decker snorted. “Enticing mammary glands, huh?”
“Oh, you’re a fan, and don’t deny it.”
“I mean, yeah.” He sat down on the couch, letting out a long, deep belly laugh.
She snickered a little and came in to sit down too.
“Ned’s not going to talk about your boobs,” said Decker. “Or if he does, he and I are having words.”
“Oh? Like, what would you say? ‘That’s my property you’re commenting on there? Those are my mammary glands’?”
“Briars and tangles, no!” He was laughing, horrified. “No, no, I’d tell him he was disrespecting you and that I wasn’t going to stand for it.”
“Oh, okay. So, challenge him to a duel for my honor,” she said.
“I would clearly say nothing at all and let you fight your own battles, strong and capable woman that you are.”
“You’re right. Ned would never say anything about my boobs. I don’t have enough boobs for anyone to comment on.”
“Yeah, anyway, I was enticed by your perfect ass, obviously.”
“It’s perfect?” Her voice was a squeak.
“It’s like the epitome of asses, yes. Like, in the Platonic Allegory-of-the-Cave way. Yours is the ideal ass and all others are merely shadows.”
She let out a guffaw, but that was not a bad thing for him to say, not at all. “Um, thank you. I think.”
“Sure, you’re welcome. Your boobs are also great, by the way.”
She giggled. “I mean, you know, wow. This is—”
“And you’re, you know, your eyes, and your face, and your mouth. It’s not just… I don’t just look at you and think sex.”
“Right, because if you did, you’d shove that down and lock it away because sex is violence and blah blah blah.”
“Hey!” He spread his hands. “I’m evolving. I’m changing my mind about all that. Give me a chance here.”
