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She was serious, looking at her hands. “You don’t need to evolve, Decker. Fuck, please don’t evolve. I don’t need you to be even more perfect than you already are.”
He touched her shoulder. “What’s that about?”
Something suddenly occurred to her. “You know what’s totally offbrand about what you did tonight?”
He sat up straight. “Uh, we’re changing the subject? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You don’t want to talk about it.”
She pointed at him. “That whole thing when we were leaving Zebedee’s grandfather’s place. When you said you think that everyone’s doing the best they can. You don’t think that at all.”
He fluttered his wings again, looking askance, thinking about it. “I mean, I do so.”
“No, you don’t. You said it when the cuffs opened, that you think individuals are awful, and I’m idiotically optimistic about them, and there you were, saying everyone is just doing the best they can.”
“Well!” He spread his hands. “I mean, if I don’t think that, when it comes to stuff like that, stuff where people are just being super horrible, super cruel, I… I don’t know, like I said, it’s too depressing.”
“But when it comes to worrying about whether or not men want to just subjugate women for sex slaves, that’s totally on the table.”
“I mean, men could stop doing that, though,” he said.
“You mean, you’re part of the oppressors in that equation,” she said. “And when it comes to other species—wow, fuck, they tried to kill gargoyles hundreds of years ago. For no reason, just because they hated gargoyles. Your people, like, they had to go into hiding. There was this whole time period where people started to forget gargoyles had ever been alive. They thought you were just sculptures. They made sculptures to imitate gargoyles.” She squinted. “I don’t know why I’m going on about this. You know this.”
“It’s interesting hearing it out loud,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t mind.”
“I can’t really understand that,” she said. “People hate elves, but it’s not the same thing.”
“I don’t know, maybe it is, sort of,” he said. “There was a punching-up element to the gargoyle wars. Lots of gargoyles were rich and powerful at that point. Then we were just stone effigies and our riches were plundered and… Maybe that’s why they did it. It’s easier to tear down what you perceive as powerful. It’s easy to decide that someone who has more than you can’t feel pain.”
“I mean, I guess I knew that,” she said. “There’s still that stereotype, that gargoyles hoard, like dragons or whatever.”
“Yeah, similar,” he said with a nod.
“But you’re making excuses again,” she said. “Why?”
“I don’t know. When someone is hurting you, you need to understand why, don’t you? I mean, why don’t you make excuses for men? Men treat women like shit, and women—”
“We do,” she said. “Make excuses. Women make excuses for men. But mostly just for the men we love, I think, because otherwise we might have to stop loving them.”
“I think you make excuses for men in general,” he said. “Women are harder on each other.”
“Maybe,” she said, “but men are kind of harder on each other, too, and maybe they make excuses for women? Maybe it’s just because of sexual attraction. It makes everything confusing.”
“Yeah, exactly, this was my point,” he said. “You’re turned on by the worst aspects of us.”
“You keep saying things like this,” she groaned. “I don’t think you’re evolving at all.”
He laughed.
“You’re not bad, though. I keep trying to tell you this,” she said. “Maybe because you’re a gargoyle, because you experience difficulty and prejudice, maybe it makes you sensitive to doing it. Maybe that’s why you’re so hard on yourself. That way, you’re in control of it. You can’t control other people, but you’re convinced you can control yourself.”
“But according to you, no one’s in control.”
“Well, I think you are,” she said. “I’m just not. And I think, uh, you’re going to dislike that about me eventually, how out of control I am. I’m a mess, Decker.”
“You’re not, though,” he said.
She took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m going to show you something.” She got up from the couch. “Come with me.”
He got up. “Okay?”
