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"Yeah, okay," I reply, watching him as he walks from my room, leaving me more confused than ever.
Nine
Something tickles my face, so I try swatting at whatever it is, then snuggle into my comforter. It's there again, and even though I don't mean to, a slight growl slips through my lips, and a deep rumble follows it. Only I'm not the owner of the latter sound. My eyes pop open, andhe's there…Beau…his green eyes staring back at me with amusement dancing in them.
"Your phone keeps buzzing, Ry. Your mother won't stop calling," he informs me.
I realize Beau is lying on his side, in my bed, and under the covers. His bare chest and one arm are all I see of him. Panic begins to rise, but then I remember the last few days. Remembering how he's taken care of me, then slept in the uncomfortable chair by my window, and the panic fades a little.
I study him briefly. In this small amount of time that I do so, I notice how his dark hair has subtle red highlights that only show when the sun shines on it, like how the beams slipping through the window blinds are doing now. His green eyes are sparkling as he smiles at me, which, combined with his gleaming white teeth, has a slight tingling sensation forming where it shouldn't be. Beau Huntley is a beautiful specimen for only being nineteen.
During these past few days, I learned that Beau's mom had just up and left them when he was only nine years old. It crushed him and his father so much that Beau missed a lot of schooling, so he had to repeat the fourth grade. No wonder he's one of the oldest seniors in our high school. I'm older because I started kindergarten a year behind when I should have. The story about his mother, though…it crushed me. My mother doesn't have much to do with me, but at least she never completely abandoned me.
"Let her keep calling," I finally answer him. "I'll pick up when I'm ready to."
Beau reaches over, and I flinch, causing him to pause and his brow crease. When he continues, it's only to push a few strands of hair away from my face. He must realize why I reacted as I did because his expression turns sad.
"I'm so sorry, Ryan…"
"No, Beau, I'm sorry. It was just instinct," I tell him.
"That's why I'm apologizing. I'm the reason you reacted the way you did. You are so used to my abuse…" He curses and moves to lie on his back.
"What's wrong?" I ask as I remain on my side, facing him.
Beau shakes his head. "I never put into words what it was that I was doing to you all this time." He pauses and closes his eyes. "I've been abusive to you. How did I never see it that way?"
I don't try to console him, because what he says is the truth, and he must face it on his own. I just continue to watch him. When he opens his eyes, it's like he's too embarrassed to look at me now, so he stares at the ceiling. That's okay; he doesn't need to look at me while trying to work it out. I am anxious to see what he does once he accepts the responsibility.
To my surprise, Beau tosses the covers aside and jumps from the bed. The first thing I notice is that he's still wearing his jeans, and the second…his sculpted back and how it leads into a narrow waistline. Beau pulling his shirt on and covering the mouthwatering sight, has me returning to reality.
"What are you doing?" I ask as I watch him pull on his tennis shoes, but he doesn't respond. "Beau…"
"Just give me a minute," he bites out, sounding like the Beau I remember. He curses under his breath and then comes around to my side of the bed. When I shrink back, he grabs me and pulls me against his chest in a tight hug, "I'm so, so sorry, Ryan. I'm realizing just how much of a dick I was to you, and I really don't blame you for how you react to my touch. I have no excuse as to why I went to the lengths I did… You never deserved any of it." He pauses and pulls back but doesn't release me. "I get why you hate me, but I promise I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust, and hopefully more."
"Beau, I…" he cuts me off with his lips.
His mouth is demanding but gentle, and I open to him. I go to pull back when I remember my morning breath, but he grunts and holds me tighter, so I go with it. He never tries pushing for more. He's seen me naked and has even tasted me, but he never asks for more, and that alone makes me happy.
When our mouths finally separate, I open my eyes and gaze into his as he swipes his thumb across the bit of saliva at the corner of my mouth. "You don't have to say anything, because I know. You need time, Ryan. I'm sure you have whiplash from my one-eighty. Hell, I think I gave myself whiplash. You surprised me with the story of your father and your first day. I started to panic because of what I realized I had done. You were right; bullying is never right. I will give you time to take everything in, Ryan, but don't ask me to give you up. I can't, not without having a real chance."
"Okay, Beau. We can try it this way, but I do need time to think about everything. The result may not be what you want, though. I guess we will figure it out when that time comes," I reply honestly.
"That's all I can ask of you, Ryan. I know I don't even deserve that." He looks at the clock on my nightstand by the bed and then back at me. "Will you be okay today? I should show myself at school at least one more day this week."
I nod. "I'll be fine. You have done enough for me…"
"No, not even close to enough." He captures my lips again before standing and grabbing my phone from the stand. "I'll put my number in your phone. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I'll stop back this afternoon."
"Okay." It's the only thing I can think of saying, and in the next moment, he's gone, and my room feels utterly empty.
After sleeping for another hour, I decide to go on a jog when I get up. I don't do it often, but it helps to clear my head, and after these last few days, I need it. Without Beau here, I'm starting to feel that need inside my chest. The one that I've constantly fed with a little white pill, but Beau has kept me occupied, so I haven't felt it as much. Now that he isn't here, it's rearing its ugly head.
Grabbing a sports bra and biking shorts, I pull them on and rummage through my closet for running shoes. Once dressed, I throw my hair in a ponytail and head downstairs. Only, when I open my door, I shriek and jump back as I grab my chest.
"Jesus, Mom! What the hell?" I stare at her as her hand is up and poised like she is just about to knock on my door.
"I can say the same about you, Ryan." She glares at me. "Why have you not been answering your phone? Better yet, why haven't you been to school? I just received an email this morning saying this is the fourth day you've missed this week!"
