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“Let me get some coffee,” I suggested.
“Nice avoidance,” Tristiana called out from the living room. “It’s been like a month, Mare. Is it still too soon to talk about it?”
I chewed on the corner of my lips and started the coffeemaker, leaning up against the counter as I debated how much to tell my best friend.
“It just wasn’t working,” I offered lamely, glad she couldn’t see my face. That didn’t last long when she appeared at the threshold, a dubious expression on her face.
“Really? Because it seemed to me like you two were inseparable. He didn’t mind that you were still working, he set you up nicely here… you’re still here. Something must have happened.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said sharply, pivoting back toward the counter.
“Fine,” she agreed. “You can eat away your stress instead of talking about it if you prefer.”
I glanced back at her quizzically. “What? I don’t stress eat. I’ve been working on my jewelry and potions. I keep busy.”
I heard the defensiveness in my tone, but it was too late to take it back.
Tristiana snickered and shook her head. “Everything I say is setting you off.”
The percolator choked, and I hastily busied myself with fixing our coffee.
“What do you think of the new manager at work?” she asked, skillfully changing the subject. Unfortunately, it only put my mind back to Jergin and made me even more tense.
“He’s fine,” I mumbled.
“He’s less of a pervert than Jergin was, anyway,” Tris laughed.
I spun around and gave her a scathing look. “What a terrible thing to say. Jergin didn’t deserve what happened to him!”
My friend lost her smile and cocked her head. “What has gotten into you lately?” she demanded, her good mood fading entirely. “You’re impossible to talk to!”
I swallowed and hung my head. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I haven’t been myself since Jergin died.”
“You didn’t even like him, Maren.”
Is that why Nyx killed him? To protect me?
I’d been back and forth with this a million times, my resolve to keep Nyx out of my life slipping as I justified what he had done. It had been for me, after all. But he hadn’t asked me, and I hadn’t asked him to do that—nor would I. If he could kill over such a small infraction, what else was the king capable of? What would he do to protect our child?
I shuddered at the thought.
“That doesn’t mean he deserved to die the way he did,” I muttered.
“I’m going to go,” Tristiana said coldly, turning away from me. A wave of deep remorse washed over me, prompting me to call out for her to stay.
Tears sprang to my eyes.“No, wait!” I begged her. “Just stay! I’m sorry?—”
“You’re obviously not in the mood for company, Mare. I’ll come back another day,” she replied, opening the front door. “You have my number. I’ll see you at work.”
The door closed with a gentle snap, and I stood, frozen in the kitchen, silently willing her to return, but she didn’t. I wanted to tell her about the baby too, but every time I try to make the words, they stick to the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. No one knew but me and a very astute botanist.
But pretty soon I wouldn’t be able to work. I was eleven weeks along, and some dancers had commented on my weight gain, but in a few more weeks, I wouldn’t likely be able to fit into my costumes at work.
I’m going to end up alone,I realized, my heart sinking deep into the soles of my feet as tears began to slip down my cheeks.Maybe it’s safer, but it certainly doesn’t feel better.
Chapter 18
Nyx
