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“I know you guys don’t like taking pills, but when you can’t think straight because your head pains, it doesn’t do any of you any good. These work best for me and won’t hurt if you’ve taken anything else.”
“Thanks.” He took two without water then set the bottle on the table and stared at it.
When he didn’t speak again, I stepped in. “You’ve been locked in this dance with the Cartel for years.” I wanted to give him time before we got to the personal stuff. “There are so many of them. They out number you by the thousands, so why, with such impossible odds, do you want to continue the fight?” I felt I knew the answer, but I wanted to encourage him to talk.
That pulled his attention.
“The police can’t stop all the crimes that are committed right on our own streets every day, but they have to try.”
“True.” I waited.
“If not us, who else will?”
I shrugged, wanting more, and waited.
“It’s about giving hope and—”
“No, I don’t want the obvious answers, Cole. I want yours.”
“I don’t know.” He struggled to find the words. “I do it because it matters.” It hit me then that this session wasn’t just about his fear for Keith. It was really about his own inner turmoil.
“Or is it because if it wasn’t for the Cartel, you wouldn’t have met your wife?” His gaze shot back, not liking that answer.
“You mean like I owe them something?” His face twisted as he looked hard at me.
“No, I’m merely showing you a different angle to look at the situation. This is more than just a war you’re fighting. The Cartel are connected to you emotionally. And now with them having Lexi, the power’s back in their hands.”
“It’s infuriating!” he snapped.
“Every case is important, but this one is a whole different level. This involves family. It’s perfectly normal to feel like a loaded gun waiting to go off.”
“Yeah.” He started to roll up and down on the balls of his feet as if ready to push off and run.
“Cole, you’re not just Blackstone’s leader. You’re a son, husband, father, friend, to a huge empire doing great things for your country.” I leaned forward and softened my voice. “So, give yourself a minute and just sit here. Give yourself a free pass to let the scary stuff in. Then you can untangle it all and get your head back on straight. Because the only way this,” I waved my hand around, “keeps going is if you’re okay.”
A stillness fell between us as he mulled over my words. I suspected Cole didn’t take a lot of time for himself and often put others ahead of himself. Which was a wonderful quality as long as he looked after himself too. I might plant a seed in Savi’s head to get Cole to go out once this next mission was over. Lord knew the man deserved a night out with his wife.
His chin quivered slightly, and he leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. I stayed quiet so he could think. Scoot, for the first time, tuned in to someone other than himself. He pounced off the armrest and jumped onto the couch where he pressed himself under Cole’s arm and onto his lap, then used his head and reached up and rubbed his face into Cole’s neck. His loud purr could be heard across the room.
It was one of the sweetest acts of kindness I’d seen. I was astounded at the kitty’s reaction to Cole. Cats were definitely underrated for therapy. I tucked that knowledge away. I found it extraordinary, especially for Scoot. I watched the two of them and soon realized they had history.
I blinked back my own tears as I watched this special ops, Green Beret, beast of a man seek help from a six-pound, moody, senior feline.
“We don’t do what-ifs.” He cleared his throat as he kept his head down to nuzzle Scoot. “But I admit, I’m scared as shit that if things don’t go right here it could destroy a part of the house.”
I thought about my words. I knew from experience that every family who lost someone got shortsighted because of the pain. The brain put them in a haze that could make the world seem distant and cold. But I also knew the need to fight inside was what eventually got us through it.
“I can’t promise you things won’t change if that happens, but I can promise you something.” I leaned forward and gently squeezed his forearm, so he’d hear me. “You will get through it. All of you will.”
“Can I ask you something else?” Cole’s gaze found mine.
“That’s what I’m here for.” I smiled, happy that his tension had eased a bit.
“Are you going to stay here, at Shadows? I know things have been dealt with in Washington, but…” He didn’t finish his sentence.
I loved my life back in Washington, but there was something about Shadows that called me. It was almost spiritual, and that drew me in. I felt like I belonged here, even before I met Ty.
“I guess that depends on you.” I smiled.
